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[UnderAPaleGreySky]

What goes on in IRC...

For those of you who don't visit the IRC channel, the following (put in spoiler tags for length) is part of the strange things that occasionally go down. I wasn't there for all of it, but there was only a few things before it. Enjoy, and visit the IRC!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[2010-01-13 11:22:48] * Tavana notes that said boss will most likely seek and destroy you after said quest for enlightenment
[2010-01-13 11:23:06] <add1> Doesn't matter.  I got the magical talisman or whatever he was guarding, so I'm set
[2010-01-13 11:23:07] <Tavana> Seeing at the boss will realize that you're to blame for his lack of purpose, as you were unwilling to actually KILL him.
[2010-01-13 11:23:17] <add1> AND all my party members are dead.
[2010-01-13 11:23:20] <add1> No sharing the loot!
[2010-01-13 11:23:27] <Tavana> He was guarding a DOOR. To the next room.
[2010-01-13 11:23:33] <Dave-C> What we playing?
[2010-01-13 11:23:40] <Madtrixr> Welcome! you're on Aussie Talk, on 103.8. GNR, Galaxy News Radio!
[2010-01-13 11:23:54] <Tavana> We're playing "Do something BESIDES the main quest".
[2010-01-13 11:24:03] <Dave-C> I LOVE that game
[2010-01-13 11:24:07] * add1 goes to town and sells his companions' high level equipment.  For money.  Which he spends on booze and hookers.  He does not rez them
[2010-01-13 11:24:08] <Tavana> add1, roll for initiative.
[2010-01-13 11:24:13] <add1> I rolled a 2
[2010-01-13 11:24:21] <Madtrixr> Oh, Sadness.
[2010-01-13 11:24:24] <add1> What, is there a bar fight?
[2010-01-13 11:24:29] <Tavana> Is that high or low? We'll say low.
[2010-01-13 11:24:47] <Tavana> No. Just deciding if you're on top, or the hooker is.
[2010-01-13 11:24:49] <Madtrixr> The gelatinous cube goes before you.
[2010-01-13 11:25:02] <add1> Hey, I am paying HER.
[2010-01-13 11:25:04] *** Dave-C changed nick to DaveC|away
[2010-01-13 11:25:05] <Madtrixr> Tavana: Ba dum pish.
[2010-01-13 11:25:06] <add1> SHE better do all the work.
[2010-01-13 11:25:28] <Madtrixr> Tav, nice initiative joke.
[2010-01-13 11:25:34] * add1 drinks away memories of his fallen party members... dumb sword guy... squishy magic dude... some other people...
[2010-01-13 11:26:08] <Tavana> The Hooker has a request of you. She is unable to make you climax unless you get her some herbs.
[2010-01-13 11:26:24] <add1> I kick her out of bed and do not pay her.
[2010-01-13 11:26:32] <Madtrixr> Can I make a Diplomacy check?
[2010-01-13 11:26:44] <add1> What, are you playing the whore?
[2010-01-13 11:26:46] <Tavana> You can, Madtrixr. Roll.
[2010-01-13 11:26:51] <add1> Should we roll up a character sheet for her?
[2010-01-13 11:27:00] <Madtrixr> Hang on. Where's my d20...
[2010-01-13 11:27:03] <Tavana> No, he's playing the local Sheriff.
[2010-01-13 11:27:08] <add1> I have a CHA score of 6
[2010-01-13 11:27:44] * Tavana wonders who doesn't have their dice in a bag attached to their belt?
[2010-01-13 11:27:56] * add1 doesn't know how to play D&D :)
[2010-01-13 11:28:03] <MaiZure> I definitely don't
[2010-01-13 11:28:13] <MaiZure> but I have excel with RANDBETWEEN()
[2010-01-13 11:28:16] <Tavana> Oh, you know how. You're doing it right now.
[2010-01-13 11:28:45] <Tavana> You just don't know how to do the TEDIOUS parts.
[2010-01-13 11:28:53] <add1> I have a random number generator I used stack smashing with to make the rolls completely manipulatable...
[2010-01-13 11:29:00] <Tavana> Okay, Madtrixr is taking too long. I roll the check for him.
[2010-01-13 11:29:01] <Madtrixr> Alright. 11.
[2010-01-13 11:29:10] <Tavana> Interesting.
[2010-01-13 11:29:24] <Tavana> Plus your charisma score, you succeed.
[2010-01-13 11:29:33] <Madtrixr> Yay.
[2010-01-13 11:29:36] <Tavana> Alright, add1.
[2010-01-13 11:30:28] <Tavana> You're in a semi-drunken state. You've got two very diplomatic looking knives at your throat, care of the deputy that the hooker called for. The sheriff is persuading you that you could go get some herbs and not die.
[2010-01-13 11:30:54] <add1> ...did I take off my armor beforehand?
[2010-01-13 11:31:03] *** thelapto1|away changed nick to thelaptop|work
[2010-01-13 11:31:53] <Gargulec|Ash> Hey guys
[2010-01-13 11:32:05] <Gargulec|Ash> any of you play urban dead?
[2010-01-13 11:32:10] <add1> nope.
[2010-01-13 11:32:11] <Tavana> The hooker could not get off your chainmail jerkin, or your mithril chastity belt. Otherwise you are naked.
[2010-01-13 11:32:23] <add1> So, what's my AC?
[2010-01-13 11:32:27] <add1> and my HP
[2010-01-13 11:32:34] <add1> hell, what is my character?
[2010-01-13 11:32:48] <Madtrixr> your ac is probably 13.
[2010-01-13 11:32:55] <add1> -13?  Okay, good...
[2010-01-13 11:33:11] <Madtrixr> Not your THACO.
[2010-01-13 11:33:16] <Tavana> You're a Slacker. A combination of all classes, but good at not much.
[2010-01-13 11:33:20] <Gargulec|Ash> Wrong edition!
[2010-01-13 11:33:25] <Madtrixr> Your AC.
[2010-01-13 11:33:26] <Gargulec|Ash> Hah-ah-hah
[2010-01-13 11:33:31] <Gargulec|Ash> BTW:
[2010-01-13 11:33:40] <Tavana> If you have a REASON to do something, though, you tend to succeed.
[2010-01-13 11:33:52] <Gargulec|Ash> People- what is it westernish-fantasy-dnd-RPG
[2010-01-13 11:34:03] * Gargulec|Ash wants, preferably in a PBF state
[2010-01-13 11:34:14] <Madtrixr> We're just fucking around,
[2010-01-13 11:34:18] <Tavana> HP: 37, AC: 13 -2 from your lack of coordination due to drunkeness
[2010-01-13 11:34:38] <Madtrixr> although I wouldn't mind a D&D rules pbf
[2010-01-13 11:34:40] <add1> Wait, I thought AC heing high was bad
[2010-01-13 11:34:55] * add1 's nethack wizard has -45 AC
[2010-01-13 11:35:01] <Tavana> Alright, work it the negative way.
[2010-01-13 11:35:06] <Tavana> AC: -13 +2
[2010-01-13 11:35:09] <Madtrixr> That's some THACO shit.
[2010-01-13 11:35:18] <Tavana> It's all the same to me.
[2010-01-13 11:35:26] <Gargulec|Ash> I say it- find somebody to GM DnD and I want! :P
[2010-01-13 11:35:32] <Madtrixr> Not that I would know.
[2010-01-13 11:35:33] <thelaptop|work> did i hear dnd?
[2010-01-13 11:35:41] <Gargulec|Ash> You've heard DND
[2010-01-13 11:35:49] <thelaptop|work> hmm hmm
[2010-01-13 11:35:53] <thelaptop|work> never played it
[2010-01-13 11:35:54] <Gargulec|Ash> We just need an Dungeon Master that will be willing to GM
[2010-01-13 11:36:01] <Tavana> Either way, you've got knives at your throat, a mithril chasity belt for some reason, a boss to kill sometime in the future, and some herbs to get. What do you do?
[2010-01-13 11:36:02] <thelaptop|work> though i had studied the rulebooks a tad too closely for a while
[2010-01-13 11:36:02] <Gargulec|Ash> A western-fantasy DND
[2010-01-13 11:36:05] <add1> Okay.  So I have no main class, I have some semi-decent armor on at this moment
[2010-01-13 11:36:24] <add1> Do I have a weapon nearby?  Am I a magician with spells prepared?
[2010-01-13 11:36:24] <thelaptop|work> add1: if you call a chastity belt an armour
[2010-01-13 11:36:30] <add1> Hey, it's AC :)
[2010-01-13 11:36:37] <Madtrixr> But I have a good hit bonus.
[2010-01-13 11:36:39] <add1> I'd wear my own entrails if there was a high enough AC bonus to it
[2010-01-13 11:36:41] <thelaptop|work> doomguy arming himself with a belt
[2010-01-13 11:36:44] <thelaptop|work> a chastity belt
[2010-01-13 11:36:49] <thelaptop|work> damn demons better look out
[2010-01-13 11:36:57] <thelaptop|work> actually, belt items sound like a nice inclusion
[2010-01-13 11:37:07] *** MaiZure quit (Read error: EOF from client)
[2010-01-13 11:37:19] <add1> anyway, weapons / prepared spells?  If I can teleport, I so am
[2010-01-13 11:37:38] <thelaptop|work> add1: quickly cast level 3 eroticism
[2010-01-13 11:37:41] <Tavana> You have a spell for stealing things from your fellow players. You also have one that makes it seem that you're better at things than you are. You have NO teleport ability...without your staff which you left outside the door.
[2010-01-13 11:37:50] <add1> hmm
[2010-01-13 11:37:52] <Tavana> Also, you have a dirk in your boot.
[2010-01-13 11:37:59] <Tavana> Which is on the other side of the bed.
[2010-01-13 11:38:07] * add1 casts level 3 eroticism at the deputies in the hopes that this makes them 'forget' about me and turn on the hooker
[2010-01-13 11:38:15] <Tavana> There's a rubber chicken on the floor.
[2010-01-13 11:38:26] <Madtrixr> with a pulley in the middle.
[2010-01-13 11:38:36] <Madtrixr> anyways...what's my will defense?
[2010-01-13 11:38:49] <Gargulec|Ash> There is also wild-eyed prophet screaming next door
[2010-01-13 11:38:55] <Tavana> You're the sheriff behind him, Mad, not the deputy.
[2010-01-13 11:39:07] <Madtrixr> Ah.
[2010-01-13 11:39:15] <Tavana> The deputy fails the will defense.
[2010-01-13 11:39:21] <Madtrixr> Lovely.
[2010-01-13 11:39:24] <Tavana> Sadly, the deputy is not heterosexual.
[2010-01-13 11:39:38] <Tavana> And is into sadism and masochism.
[2010-01-13 11:39:43] <thelaptop|work> AoMs!
[2010-01-13 11:39:44] <Tavana> Knives at your throat, I remind you.
[2010-01-13 11:39:48] <Madtrixr> Oh, Backfire.
[2010-01-13 11:39:48] <add1> ...he has a thing for the sherrif, right?
[2010-01-13 11:39:58] <Gargulec|Ash> Safewords! :D :D :D
[2010-01-13 11:40:04] <add1> He's totally into the sheriff...
[2010-01-13 11:40:08] <thelaptop|work> ^Z^Z^Z!
[2010-01-13 11:40:08] <Tavana> The safe word is radish.
[2010-01-13 11:40:23] <Gargulec|Ash> His name is Zed
[2010-01-13 11:40:39] <add1> So he's attacking me then?
[2010-01-13 11:40:59] <add1> I expected to kill the sheriff... I did not plan to shoot the deputy
[2010-01-13 11:41:01] <Gargulec|Ash> Worse
[2010-01-13 11:41:11] <Tavana> I'd rather not detail him trailing the tip of the knife down your body, making small holes in your chain jerkin..
[2010-01-13 11:41:24] <Madtrixr> >.<
[2010-01-13 11:41:24] <add1> okay, so I'll roll something...
[2010-01-13 11:41:26] <Tavana> A twist of fate!
[2010-01-13 11:41:30] <thelaptop|work> gives the phrase "kinky armour" a whole new meaning
[2010-01-13 11:41:41] <add1> I roll a 9
[2010-01-13 11:41:59] <Tavana> You 9 succeeds. The deputy dies.
[2010-01-13 11:42:07] <add1> Wow.
[2010-01-13 11:42:11] <add1> I killed a deputy with a die!
[2010-01-13 11:42:20] <add1> I jump for my boot
[2010-01-13 11:42:23] <Tavana> It was your lucky number I guess.
[2010-01-13 11:42:29] <Madtrixr> "Aw shit. That's the tenth deputy we've lost this month."
[2010-01-13 11:42:33] <add1> Actually, change that
[2010-01-13 11:42:48] <add1> After successfully killing a deputy with a small rock I attempt to intimidate the sheriff.
[2010-01-13 11:42:58] <add1> Think Riddick and the soup can in chronicles >)
[2010-01-13 11:43:14] <Tavana> Madtrixr, I'll allow you to use your rocket launcer in this situation, if your character wishes.
[2010-01-13 11:43:17] <add1> Oh, and I slowly make my way to my boot.  Maybe I can throw that :)
[2010-01-13 11:43:46] <Madtrixr> Yes, i'll move 5 squares away, and use my Rocket Launcher.
[2010-01-13 11:44:30] <Madtrixr> and...to roll...
[2010-01-13 11:44:58] <Madtrixr> hmm...I rolled a 15...plus my bonus...comes out to...
[2010-01-13 11:45:15] <Madtrixr> does a 17 hit?
[2010-01-13 11:45:32] <Tavana> The rock is launched! It flies at add1, ever so quickly...and he dodges. Damn that Mithril Chastity Belt of Dodging (Cursed). You run out of normal rock ammunition, Madtrixr.
[2010-01-13 11:45:59] <Madtrixr> Alright. What else do I have in my ammo bag?
[2010-01-13 11:46:13] <Tavana> You still have Shrapnel Rock ammunition. add1, any ideas? There's a staff at the door...
[2010-01-13 11:46:19] <add1> I know :/
[2010-01-13 11:46:26] <Madtrixr> I'll use my minor to reload with shrapnel.
[2010-01-13 11:46:33] <Madtrixr> and my turn is over.
[2010-01-13 11:46:33] <add1> Wasn't I suppossed to roll or soemthign to dodge?
[2010-01-13 11:47:00] <Tavana> I rolled your dodge for the chastity belt. It passed, so you didn't have to.
[2010-01-13 11:47:01] <add1> How much AC does that boot give me?
[2010-01-13 11:47:07] <add1> I can roll :(
[2010-01-13 11:47:10] <Tavana> Where do you wear it?
[2010-01-13 11:47:13] <add1> I wrote a quickie program for it
[2010-01-13 11:47:29] <add1> I'd probably wear it on my right foot.
[2010-01-13 11:47:34] <add1> It's my kickin' foot
[2010-01-13 11:47:47] <add1> So, how much AC?
[2010-01-13 11:48:07] *** Gargulec|Ash quit (Quit: ChatZilla 0.9.85 [Firefox 3.5.7/20091221164558])
[2010-01-13 11:48:08] <Tavana> -2 AC, +2 melee damage, +1 melee accuracy
[2010-01-13 11:48:13] <add1> hmm
[2010-01-13 11:48:22] <add1> I weild the boot and hit the sheriff
[2010-01-13 11:48:25] <Tavana> Also, you look pimping.
[2010-01-13 11:48:31] <add1> It's the abs.
[2010-01-13 11:48:55] <add1> It's a steel toed boot BTW
[2010-01-13 11:48:59] <Madtrixr> What's my AC?
[2010-01-13 11:49:02] <Tavana> I'm aware.
[2010-01-13 11:49:05] * add1 rolls
[2010-01-13 11:49:10] <add1> 15
[2010-01-13 11:49:12] <Tavana> You're AC is slightly to the North East.
[2010-01-13 11:49:20] <Tavana> Your
[2010-01-13 11:49:27] <Tavana> Also, it's -73
[2010-01-13 11:49:37] <Madtrixr> O_O That's good right?
[2010-01-13 11:49:41] <Tavana> Yes.
[2010-01-13 11:49:50] <Tavana> Hometown Sheriff benefits, I'm sure you understand.
[2010-01-13 11:50:00] <Madtrixr> :D indeed, I do.
[2010-01-13 11:50:01] <Tavana> You hit him, add1.
[2010-01-13 11:50:07] <Madtrixr> O_O Wow.
[2010-01-13 11:50:18] <Tavana> You should see the slacker attack bonus sheet.
[2010-01-13 11:50:32] <add1> Prestige clas in slacker
[2010-01-13 11:50:34] <Tavana> By hit, and him, though...
[2010-01-13 11:50:49] <Tavana> Him in the case means the dog. And it's actually a her. She's not happy.
[2010-01-13 11:50:59] <Madtrixr> Oh, sadness.
[2010-01-13 11:51:03] <add1> Dog?  Is that what you're calling my lovely companion :o
[2010-01-13 11:51:12] <Tavana> Yes, the hooker.
[2010-01-13 11:51:23] <Tavana> She happens to be a canine. The best paid in town.
[2010-01-13 11:51:28] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 11:51:49] <Tavana> She's a polymorph, I guess.
[2010-01-13 11:51:52] <Tavana> Or something.
[2010-01-13 11:52:02] <Tavana> Anyhow. You don't kill her, but not for lack of trying.
[2010-01-13 11:52:18] <Tavana> And no, this is not turning into another sex scene.
[2010-01-13 11:52:19] *** ContraDu1k quit (Ping timeout)
[2010-01-13 11:52:20] <Tavana> She still wants herbs, dammit.
[2010-01-13 11:53:00] <Tavana> A trio of drunken travellers see the two (three) of you fighting, and assumes that you're attempting to hurt a small innocent dog.
[2010-01-13 11:53:07] <add1> You know what, I'm just gonna go...
[2010-01-13 11:53:14] <Tavana> They attack!
[2010-01-13 11:53:16] <add1> grab my stuff, leave, run, hide, whatever.
[2010-01-13 11:53:23] <Tavana> The staff is at the door...
[2010-01-13 11:53:37] *** ContraDuck (~mavery@120.19.115.237) joined
[2010-01-13 11:53:39] <add1> So I dodge them, eat whatever damage I have to, and make my way out of this cramped room :)
[2010-01-13 11:53:50] <Madtrixr> and once you move, it's my turn.
[2010-01-13 11:54:01] <add1> and then I remind myself to never ever buy a doppleganger
[2010-01-13 11:54:08] <Tavana> Add1, may I direct your attention to this post:
[2010-01-13 11:54:11] <Tavana> [11:37] <Tavana> You have a spell for stealing things from your fellow players. You also have one that makes it seem that you're better at things than you are. You have NO teleport ability...without your staff which you left outside the door.
[2010-01-13 11:54:26] <add1> Ih, so the staff teleports me?
[2010-01-13 11:54:40] <Tavana> The staff can do that. If it's in a good mood.
[2010-01-13 11:54:53] <Madtrixr> Oh, so it's an artifact?
[2010-01-13 11:54:54] <add1> Do I have to whisper sweet nothings in its ear or make a check :p
[2010-01-13 11:54:59] <add1> I dive for it
[2010-01-13 11:55:01] <Tavana> Yes. Both.
[2010-01-13 11:55:29] <add1> then tell it how much I love you miss artifact staff now please get me outof here :/
[2010-01-13 11:55:33] * add1 rolls
[2010-01-13 11:55:35] <Tavana> It's a staff. That happens to contain the crystalized conciousness of somebody powerful
[2010-01-13 11:55:37] <add1> 10
[2010-01-13 11:55:45] <Tavana> Who is apparently female.
[2010-01-13 11:55:58] <add1> Maybe it was one of my now deceased party members :)
[2010-01-13 11:56:02] <add1> The staff chick...
[2010-01-13 11:56:07] <add1> They love slacker dudes
[2010-01-13 11:56:11] <Tavana> Alright, rolling female staff pissyness...time of the month factor...
[2010-01-13 11:56:14] <add1> I'm in a band too
[2010-01-13 11:56:35] <Madtrixr> Do I have anything to stop him with?
[2010-01-13 11:56:51] <Tavana> The staff is more powerful than you madtrixr, I'm afraid.
[2010-01-13 11:57:02] <Tavana> (being female_
[2010-01-13 11:57:16] <Tavana> And the staff is a happy staff today.
[2010-01-13 11:57:22] <Madtrixr> No, but is there someway to knock the staff out of his hands? or even prevent him form getting it back?
[2010-01-13 11:57:33] * thelaptop|work puts on his robe and wizard hat and sits around watching you folks
[2010-01-13 11:57:41] <Tavana> It's at the door. He was right next to it. You're reloading.
[2010-01-13 11:57:58] <Madtrixr> ...That was my minor.
[2010-01-13 11:58:05] <Madtrixr> come on man.
[2010-01-13 11:58:09] <Tavana> It's rock shrapnel.
[2010-01-13 11:58:24] <Tavana> How fast can you stuff pebbles down a rocket launcher?
[2010-01-13 11:58:39] <Tavana> Either way, he has a hold of his staff.
[2010-01-13 11:58:48] <Tavana> >.>
[2010-01-13 11:59:12] * Madtrixr flips through the players handbook 35...
[2010-01-13 11:59:15] <Madtrixr> AH HA!
[2010-01-13 11:59:16] <Tavana> The staff executes the teleport command...calculating radius...
[2010-01-13 11:59:50] <Madtrixr> free action! throw a tracking glyph on a criminal!
[2010-01-13 11:59:54] <thelaptop|work> Tavana: "a hold of his staff"
[2010-01-13 12:00:09] <add1> Wait, there are RULES?
[2010-01-13 12:00:16] <Madtrixr> I don't know.
[2010-01-13 12:00:21] <Tavana> Yes. There are. If I let something happen, it happens.
[2010-01-13 12:00:25] <Tavana> Otherwise, it doesn't.
[2010-01-13 12:00:29] <add1> Ah, rule 0.
[2010-01-13 12:00:38] <Madtrixr> I'm just trying to figure out a way to keep track of you.
[2010-01-13 12:00:41] <Tavana> And sorry, thelaptop, should have been a hold ON his staff.
[2010-01-13 12:00:46] <Tavana> You don't have to.
[2010-01-13 12:00:53] <Tavana> The staff has a teleport radius.
[2010-01-13 12:00:57] <Tavana> You're caught in it.
[2010-01-13 12:00:59] <Madtrixr> Oh right.
[2010-01-13 12:01:06] <Madtrixr> Wah wah...
[2010-01-13 12:01:15] <Tavana> Add...teleported to the dwarven city of...Dwarvia.
[2010-01-13 12:01:23] <Tavana> BUT!
[2010-01-13 12:01:30] <add1> Did I not get to specify where I wanted to go?
[2010-01-13 12:01:35] <Madtrixr> ...Which is how far from where I'm sherrif?
[2010-01-13 12:01:37] <Tavana> You did.
[2010-01-13 12:01:45] <add1> I never said dwarves.
[2010-01-13 12:01:53] <Tavana> [11:55] <add1> then tell it how much I love you miss artifact staff now please get me outof here :/
[2010-01-13 12:01:55] <add1> ...they don't even have unbearded whores...
[2010-01-13 12:02:28] <add1> Also, if the sheriff tagged along, he should lose his AC bonus so I can beat on him :)
[2010-01-13 12:02:37] <Tavana> Madtrixr, this happens to be directly underneath your Sherrifdom by about 300 metres.
[2010-01-13 12:02:49] <Madtrixr> Ah yes.
[2010-01-13 12:02:51] <Tavana> Far enough away that you do not keep your bonus, I'm afraid.
[2010-01-13 12:02:59] <Madtrixr> Well, what is it now?
[2010-01-13 12:03:00] <add1> I hope the dwarves don't find anything too unusual about a half dressed slacker beating on a human sheriff...
[2010-01-13 12:03:20] <Tavana> -60
[2010-01-13 12:03:24] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 12:03:27] <add1> hmm
[2010-01-13 12:03:37] <add1> Since the Sheriff doesn't KNOW where he is
[2010-01-13 12:03:41] <Tavana> Yes?
[2010-01-13 12:03:47] <add1> I offer to buy him a dwarven ale
[2010-01-13 12:03:56] <add1> and show him around this new, far away land
[2010-01-13 12:04:10] <add1> You know, make friends... with beer
[2010-01-13 12:04:29] <add1> and I try to play the whole teleport thing off as an 'oops, I didn't know that's what it did
[2010-01-13 12:04:49] <Madtrixr> I decline. You don't pay our hookers, you get thrown in jail.
[2010-01-13 12:05:34] <Tavana> Now, the shock change of the somewhat light tavern insides to a very dark cave setting has blurred your vision slightly. Anyone want to look around?
[2010-01-13 12:05:55] <Madtrixr> should I make a Perception check?
[2010-01-13 12:06:01] <Tavana> You should.
[2010-01-13 12:06:17] <Tavana> add1's staff has already made a perception check.
[2010-01-13 12:06:39] <Madtrixr> 18...plus 2...plus 5...25.
[2010-01-13 12:06:45] <add1> I flipt he sheriff the bird and tell him 'She tried to rip me off.  I don't pay for rip-off hookers.  And fine then.  Don't accept my help, we'll be stuck in dwarf land forever.
[2010-01-13 12:06:53] <add1> I make NO checks at all.
[2010-01-13 12:06:59] <add1> But I rolled a 9 if you need it
[2010-01-13 12:07:12] * add1 loves how talking is a free action
[2010-01-13 12:07:15] <Tavana> Fine. But the dwarves don't accept American Express.
[2010-01-13 12:07:25] <thelaptop|work> try yendorian express
[2010-01-13 12:07:28] <thelaptop|work> might be a little luckier
[2010-01-13 12:07:29] <thelaptop|work> bwahaha
[2010-01-13 12:07:55] <Tavana> Madtrixr is mildly perceptive, for a somewhat corrupt sherrif.
[2010-01-13 12:07:59] <add1> hehehe
[2010-01-13 12:08:26] <Madtrixr> DOn't blame me, it's the mayor.
[2010-01-13 12:08:42] <add1> We're stuck in the far off lands of dwarf ville :/
[2010-01-13 12:08:44] <Tavana> He notices the lack of dwarves. Or anything besides a ring of seats circling you. You appear to be in a bowl.
[2010-01-13 12:08:44] <Madtrixr> I swear, sometimes I think he's really a snake-person...
[2010-01-13 12:08:52] <add1> It behooves us not to fight TOO much amongst ouselves.
[2010-01-13 12:09:09] <Tavana> It's Dwarvia.
[2010-01-13 12:09:34] <add1> Hey, you want me to remember names, make the king Ted the Great instead of AraDrovavariawhateveria
[2010-01-13 12:09:52] <Madtrixr> Dwarvia.
[2010-01-13 12:09:54] <Tavana> The staff suggests she would like a nice massage.
[2010-01-13 12:09:58] <add1> Otherwise I'll jsut go 'the sheriff... guy wanted me to get the mystical... thing
[2010-01-13 12:10:18] <add1> I slap the staff for teleporting me in dwarf land and tell it to make me a sammich
[2010-01-13 12:10:20] <Tavana> Twas some herbs. For the hooker. So you could...be happy.
[2010-01-13 12:10:39] <add1> That was the hooker's job to begin with.
[2010-01-13 12:10:39] <Tavana> The staff make you a sammich. You are a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:10:45] <Madtrixr> the sherrif happens to be an amatuer massuse.
[2010-01-13 12:10:51] <Madtrixr> (however you say it.
[2010-01-13 12:10:59] <add1> What are my stats polymorphed into a sammich?
[2010-01-13 12:11:03] <add1> masseure
[2010-01-13 12:11:05] <Tavana> Put an r on the end, and it's the male version, as I recall.
[2010-01-13 12:11:15] <add1> Okay maybe not
[2010-01-13 12:11:25] <Tavana> Think you're correct, add1.
[2010-01-13 12:11:42] <Madtrixr> anyways, my hobby is massaging, but...you know...
[2010-01-13 12:11:46] <add1> Golly, my old bartender was one, you'd think I'd remember how to spell it
[2010-01-13 12:12:16] <Tavana> Anyway, your sammichy stats are -100 AC due to soggyness, the ham is starting to turn mouldy, you gain +5 to biological attacks...
[2010-01-13 12:12:23] <thelaptop|work> o.O
[2010-01-13 12:12:30] <add1> How much HP?
[2010-01-13 12:12:34] <Tavana> No one wants to touch a soggy sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:12:39] <Tavana> 5.
[2010-01-13 12:12:43] <add1> Do I lose 5-10 permanently if I get killed in this form?  I think that's how NetHack does it
[2010-01-13 12:12:45] <Madtrixr> I don't know if the staff would want me to massage her, now that her owner is a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:13:10] <Tavana> The staff asserts that she is a woman, and therefore not the property of anyone.
[2010-01-13 12:13:12] * thelaptop|work rolls eyes at what he is seeing -- back to work he goes
[2010-01-13 12:13:39] <Tavana> You lose the ability to eat sammiches ever again if you die in this form.
[2010-01-13 12:14:01] <Madtrixr> Well, in that case...ahem..."my fine lady, would you like a massage from me?
[2010-01-13 12:14:02] <Madtrixr> "
[2010-01-13 12:14:40] <add1> I roll a 13 against mold
[2010-01-13 12:14:50] <Tavana> The staff, asserts that she is a staff, and not a lady. Also, no. She got the crimp out of her handle when she polymorphed the slacker into a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:14:58] <Tavana> Also, she polymorphed the hooker. Plot twist!
[2010-01-13 12:15:04] <add1> How long until this polymorph wears off?
[2010-01-13 12:15:06] <Tavana> You succeed. The mold grows.
[2010-01-13 12:15:27] <Madtrixr> "very well then. but now what?"
[2010-01-13 12:16:03] <Tavana> Until you become a ball of mold. Then, the spores will erupt, and you'll pop out of the mass, unscathed, besides the cancer in your spleen.
[2010-01-13 12:16:20] <Tavana> The staff states: "Now the tournament beings!"
[2010-01-13 12:16:27] <Madtrixr> Oh lovely.
[2010-01-13 12:16:35] <add1> Eh, I'm an adventurer.  Cancer takes years to kill me, I'm sur I'll run into a potion of full healing or something by then :)
[2010-01-13 12:16:42] <Tavana> The ring of seats around you are suddenly filled with people.
[2010-01-13 12:17:00] <Tavana> Pygmy moths are released into the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:17:14] <Tavana> Someone throws two nets into the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:17:14] <Madtrixr> "Oh goody."
[2010-01-13 12:17:15] <thelaptop|work> on another note, <3 red armour BNP
[2010-01-13 12:17:25] <Tavana> BNP?
[2010-01-13 12:17:29] <thelaptop|work> it's better than onyx armor AP
[2010-01-13 12:17:32] <Tavana> Nano.
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <Tavana> Gotcha.
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <add1> BNP?
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <add1> OH.
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <Tavana> Bulk, Nano, Power
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <add1> Stats.
[2010-01-13 12:17:49] <Madtrixr> anyways.
[2010-01-13 12:18:03] <Tavana> add1, roll.
[2010-01-13 12:18:14] <add1> 12.  What did I roll for?
[2010-01-13 12:18:30] <Madtrixr> so...does one of us have to beat the other BEFORE the pygmy moths devour us? or what?
[2010-01-13 12:18:43] <add1> i'M A SANDWICH.
[2010-01-13 12:18:47] <add1> Gah.
[2010-01-13 12:18:52] <Tavana> add1, you burst into spores. The spores attack madtrixr.
[2010-01-13 12:18:58] <Madtrixr> Ah!
[2010-01-13 12:19:01] <add1> It's super effective!
[2010-01-13 12:19:06] <Madtrixr> Oh no!
[2010-01-13 12:19:06] <Tavana> You rolled your spore attack.
[2010-01-13 12:19:18] <Madtrixr> What's my Fortitude?
[2010-01-13 12:19:33] <Tavana> Also, you appear to have lost your mithril chastity belt.
[2010-01-13 12:19:49] <Tavana> Your Fortitude is 21.
[2010-01-13 12:20:09] <add1> Well yeah, I'm a sandwich.  At least they didn't expand and rip to shreds :)
[2010-01-13 12:20:14] <add1> Mithril belts are hard to come by...
[2010-01-13 12:20:17] <Tavana> You fail your arms like a little girl, and the spores make you hack and cough. Also, you look like a little girl. You lose -2 ego.
[2010-01-13 12:21:08] <Madtrixr> Great.
[2010-01-13 12:21:09] <Tavana> You burst, add1. You ARE indeed still a sammich on the inside, but your outside resembles your nearly naked Slacker self.
[2010-01-13 12:21:21] <Tavana> By the way...those moths...
[2010-01-13 12:21:29] <Tavana> They flutter about the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:21:29] <add1> That's what counts in the end.
[2010-01-13 12:21:32] <Tavana> That's all.
[2010-01-13 12:21:34] <add1> So I'm naked
[2010-01-13 12:21:39] <add1> I'm not a sandwich
[2010-01-13 12:21:42] <add1> I have no weapon
[2010-01-13 12:22:00] <add1> and the staff I was weilding is apparently making me fight the sheriff to the death
[2010-01-13 12:22:13] <add1> I apologize to the staff.  Hey baby, I didn't mean to hurt you...
[2010-01-13 12:22:23] <add1> I'll treat you right...
[2010-01-13 12:22:28] <Tavana> The staff notes that indeed you did. And no, you won't.
[2010-01-13 12:22:37] <add1> Not even a roll?
[2010-01-13 12:22:42] <add1> 18
[2010-01-13 12:22:45] <add1> I rolled an 18
[2010-01-13 12:22:48] <Tavana> The staff is female. You fail your roll.
[2010-01-13 12:23:25] <Tavana> But, due to your persuasive nature, she explains the nature of the tournament.
[2010-01-13 12:23:28] *** DaveC|away changed nick to Dave-C
[2010-01-13 12:23:52] <Tavana> She indicates the nets, and the moths, and the things around the ring, noting that they appear to be scientifically minded.
[2010-01-13 12:24:02] <Tavana> How she does this, being a staff, is beyond anyone.
[2010-01-13 12:24:07] <Tavana> But she does.
[2010-01-13 12:24:15] <add1> Damn, shouldn't have used int and wis as dump stats...
[2010-01-13 12:24:15] <Madtrixr> Dude, didn't you know? Female adds 35 to any challenge rating.
[2010-01-13 12:24:43] <Tavana> She scathingly implies that they want you to net a moth.
[2010-01-13 12:25:34] <add1> As in, more than the sheriff dude?
[2010-01-13 12:25:51] <add1> Fine... I guess i try to catch some moth thing...
[2010-01-13 12:25:53] <Tavana> She remains silent.
[2010-01-13 12:25:53] <add1> 8
[2010-01-13 12:26:11] <add1> ooh, had I waited three seconds I would've rolled a 1
[2010-01-13 12:26:18] <Madtrixr> 19.
[2010-01-13 12:26:37] <add1> I really should've +1d the rand calls.  It's annoying seeing zero
[2010-01-13 12:27:06] <Tavana> You choose to not equip anything, add1. You flail around naked. Madtrixr, you manage to trip over the nets still on the ground, but catch a moth anyhow.
[2010-01-13 12:27:21] <Madtrixr> Yay
[2010-01-13 12:27:31] <add1> I've caught moths with my hands before...
[2010-01-13 12:27:57] <add1> When I get back I'm selling this god-damned staff...
[2010-01-13 12:27:58] <Tavana> The moths appear to be somewhat afraid of a naked flailing slacker, though.
[2010-01-13 12:28:13] <Tavana> You married it, add1. That's for life.
[2010-01-13 12:28:26] <add1> I lied.  I just wanted to get laid :)
[2010-01-13 12:28:28] <Madtrixr> Ohhh, Wah wah...
[2010-01-13 12:28:43] <add1> It was a shotgun wedding anyway
[2010-01-13 12:28:56] <add1> Damn farmer.  Only later did I discover the shotgun wasn't loaded.
[2010-01-13 12:29:54] <Tavana> The farmer was actually your father, in polymorphed form
[2010-01-13 12:30:01] <Tavana> He just wanted to get you into line.
[2010-01-13 12:30:15] <add1> o.0
[2010-01-13 12:30:31] <Madtrixr> Wait, so the farmers daughter was a staff?
[2010-01-13 12:30:33] <add1> Wouldn't that make the staff my sister?
[2010-01-13 12:30:38] <Tavana> Anyhow, the scientological types seem angered by Madtrixr's catching of a moth barehanded.
[2010-01-13 12:30:48] <Madtrixr> Oh great.
[2010-01-13 12:30:57] <Tavana> The staff is your half sister.
[2010-01-13 12:31:01] <Madtrixr> can I pick up a net and attempt again?
[2010-01-13 12:31:18] <add1> Clearly I can blame my WIS score on inbreeding...
[2010-01-13 12:31:24] <Tavana> You can, if you can avoid the mind flayers being released.
[2010-01-13 12:31:26] *** Nyarlathotep (~blastbeet@210.1.208.237) joined
[2010-01-13 12:31:30] <Madtrixr> Oh shit.
[2010-01-13 12:31:32] <Tavana> He's actually your step father.
[2010-01-13 12:31:39] <Tavana> So, the staff isn't a blood relative.
[2010-01-13 12:31:41] <add1> Sweet!  I have no INT thus they won't be interested in me.
[2010-01-13 12:32:04] <Tavana> The crotch flayers are released from the other side of the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:32:25] <add1> Damn... Because I'm definitely sporting somethign there :)
[2010-01-13 12:32:35] <add1> I put my mithril chastity belt back on.
[2010-01-13 12:33:15] <Madtrixr> Mad is unsure wether or not they crotch flayers will come after him.
[2010-01-13 12:33:38] <Dave-C> If you can get caught in your zip, they will.
[2010-01-13 12:34:13] <Tavana> In an ironic twist of fate, the moths are hugely endowed (for their size) and are incredibly intelligent. The mind and crotch flayers are satiated feeding on the moths.
[2010-01-13 12:34:22] <Madtrixr> Phew.
[2010-01-13 12:34:32] <add1> Whew.  I can't tell you how worried I was.
[2010-01-13 12:34:49] <add1> So can I just leave the staff here and go home>?
[2010-01-13 12:35:13] <Tavana> The scientological types tempt you with beer, and a mayoral position, respectively.
[2010-01-13 12:35:20] <Tavana> Hookers are implied with the beer.
[2010-01-13 12:35:34] <add1> Tempting, but I suspect it may be a trap.
[2010-01-13 12:35:41] <add1> I instead look for a good divorce attorney
[2010-01-13 12:35:53] <Tavana> A mansion, and a utopian society for you to corrupt are implied with the mayoral position.
[2010-01-13 12:36:42] <Tavana> One of the scientists knows a good one, got rid of the dwarf woman who drugged him. He suggests you both retire to the testing room to discuss matters.
[2010-01-13 12:36:42] <add1> me feels like he's actually in the DM of the Rings
[2010-01-13 12:37:26] <Tavana> The staff turns a cold shoulder in the best fashion that a staff can.
[2010-01-13 12:37:43] <add1> She tried to kill me!  That's totally grounds for divorce.
[2010-01-13 12:38:03] <Madtrixr> I feel like I could treat the staff properly. treat her like she should be treated.
[2010-01-13 12:38:24] <Madtrixr> Like the Absolute Overlord of everything ever.
[2010-01-13 12:38:33] <add1> Careful man.
[2010-01-13 12:38:52] <add1> I put a hand on the sheriff's shoulder since we're so budy buddy now.  He may or may not notice that I'm completely naked now
[2010-01-13 12:39:09] *** Jim9137 quit (Quit: Leaving)
[2010-01-13 12:39:12] <Tavana> Roll for perception, Mad.
[2010-01-13 12:39:13] <add1> She's pure crazy.  And you know what they say about crazy.  Date 'em, don't marry 'em
[2010-01-13 12:39:25] <Madtrixr> Oh snap. 20
[2010-01-13 12:39:35] <add1> He is impressed, no?
[2010-01-13 12:39:36] <Madtrixr> so, plus 7
[2010-01-13 12:40:00] <Madtrixr> 27
[2010-01-13 12:40:12] <add1> What's this plus stuff anyway?
[2010-01-13 12:40:14] <Tavana> You succeed beyond your wildest dreams! You realize that add1 is indeed naked, but you don't care.
[2010-01-13 12:40:27] <Madtrixr> my modfiers.
[2010-01-13 12:40:36] <add1> Do I get any?
[2010-01-13 12:40:47] <Madtrixr> I'm trained in perception, and my WIS is 14
[2010-01-13 12:41:00] <Madtrixr> so +5 and +2
[2010-01-13 12:41:07] <Tavana> You realize that the staff is indeed a hot staff, and that polymorph spells could be used on her. Also, you realize you should never ever marry her.
[2010-01-13 12:41:16] <add1> She's a redhead too
[2010-01-13 12:41:26] <Madtrixr> ...Sign me up.
[2010-01-13 12:41:47] <Madtrixr> now...I need to succeed on a diplomacy check to get her to go out with me...
[2010-01-13 12:41:53] <Tavana> You realize there's a hot scientist in the colleseum that has been trying to get you to notice her sign offering beer and sex.
[2010-01-13 12:42:04] <add1> I put my equipment back on.
[2010-01-13 12:42:10] <Tavana> You realize the cave is about to collapse.
[2010-01-13 12:42:10] <add1> Lesse, a single boot
[2010-01-13 12:42:13] <Madtrixr> ...hmm...A tough decision.
[2010-01-13 12:42:14] <add1> a dirk within the boot
[2010-01-13 12:42:15] <add1> a belt
[2010-01-13 12:42:19] <add1> chainmail
[2010-01-13 12:42:20] <Madtrixr> quickly...
[2010-01-13 12:42:22] <add1> yep, that's everything
[2010-01-13 12:42:29] <Madtrixr> I need an epic roll to get it.
[2010-01-13 12:42:43] <add1> The cave is collapsing?  I leave.  Where's the exit?
[2010-01-13 12:42:56] <Tavana> You realize the cave is about to collapse.
[2010-01-13 12:42:57] <Madtrixr> (both the staff and the scientist, and get out in time.
[2010-01-13 12:43:02] <Madtrixr> )
[2010-01-13 12:43:11] <Tavana> For emphasis.
[2010-01-13 12:43:25] <Tavana> The cave exit is at the top. Duh.
[2010-01-13 12:43:34] <add1> I think his line of thinking is 'anything greater than 'collapsed' means I'm ready for action baby'
[2010-01-13 12:44:17] <Tavana> Oh, and add1, you get secret modifiers for being a slacker.
[2010-01-13 12:44:24] <Madtrixr> Hmm...
[2010-01-13 12:44:25] <Tavana> I just apply them without you have to, because you're a slacker.
[2010-01-13 12:44:38] <add1> My modifiers run on plotonium
[2010-01-13 12:44:46] <add1> They are as high as the plot needs them
[2010-01-13 12:44:49] <Tavana> For example +2 to all rolls if the GM is eating a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:44:56] <Dave-C> XD
[2010-01-13 12:45:45] <Madtrixr> Is there anyway to roll to rescue the staff and the scientist, and escape out of the cave in one roll>
[2010-01-13 12:45:46] <Madtrixr> ?
[2010-01-13 12:46:02] <Tavana> Yes. And there may be a threesome involved.
[2010-01-13 12:46:13] <Madtrixr> What's the DC?
[2010-01-13 12:46:16] <add1> Wha?  I don't want that with the sheriff
[2010-01-13 12:46:25] <Tavana> Tough luck, add1.
[2010-01-13 12:46:30] <Tavana> If he rolls high enough...
[2010-01-13 12:46:47] <add1> I at least get to roll a constitution check against his wiles
[2010-01-13 12:46:52] <add1> 8
[2010-01-13 12:47:05] <Tavana> Well, depending on how you decide to roll it, Madtrixr, anywhere from 30 to 75.
[2010-01-13 12:47:19] <Tavana> add1, you succeed in rolling an 8. No one dies.
[2010-01-13 12:47:21] <add1> on a 20 sided die?
[2010-01-13 12:47:35] <Tavana> Modifiers, add1.
[2010-01-13 12:47:55] <Tavana> 1-20+modifiers > DC
[2010-01-13 12:48:26] <Tavana> = magical night out with a staff and a scientist.
[2010-01-13 12:48:48] <Tavana> Hell, if you try to get them all at once, Madtrixr, I'll throw in some modifiers myself.
[2010-01-13 12:49:01] * Tavana gives a hint "You'll need the net..."
[2010-01-13 12:49:16] * Madtrixr first off grabs a net.
[2010-01-13 12:49:48] <Tavana> Alright, I just need one choice from you, madtrixr - the staff or the scientist first?
[2010-01-13 12:49:55] <Madtrixr> to save?
[2010-01-13 12:49:58] <Tavana> Yes.
[2010-01-13 12:50:34] <Tavana> Also, add1: now that you're wearing clothing, a flock of adoring RPG scientists attends you. Not all of them are male.
[2010-01-13 12:50:59] <add1> That seems odd.  I'd think my main groupies would've wanted me withut the clothing...
[2010-01-13 12:51:09] <Madtrixr> Well...Hmm...Will I still be able to save the other chick
[2010-01-13 12:51:16] <Madtrixr> ?
[2010-01-13 12:51:23] <add1> Still, cave collapsing, I try to escape the 'rocks fall everyone dies' fate
[2010-01-13 12:51:41] <Madtrixr> Screw it, staff first, scientist second.
[2010-01-13 12:51:56] <add1> and unless tyhey're willing to form a giant human pyramid so that I can climb to safety, they can fend for themselves
[2010-01-13 12:52:15] <add1> Could you describe the exit?
[2010-01-13 12:53:10] <Tavana> The exit is a shimmering portal, about ten metres off the ground. You convince the males of the group to attempt a pyramid.
[2010-01-13 12:53:18] <Tavana> I need two rolls, madtrixr.
[2010-01-13 12:53:34] <add1> What are they all doing in this collapsing cave anyway?  Why is the cave collapsing>
[2010-01-13 12:54:00] <Madtrixr> Come on d20...don't fail me now...
[2010-01-13 12:54:06] <add1> I roll a CHA check in order to convince the males to be on the bottom and the females to follow me out the portal
[2010-01-13 12:54:13] <add1> 6
[2010-01-13 12:54:26] <Tavana> A pygmy moth collecting tournament, obiously. And it's collapsing due to natures abhorrance to vaccum cleaners.
[2010-01-13 12:54:43] <add1> Maybe I could pimp the females for extra gold when we're done...
[2010-01-13 12:54:45] <Tavana> Scientists created vacuum cleaners, nature hates scientists.
[2010-01-13 12:54:59] <Tavana> So when large amounts of scientists get together, nature kills them.
[2010-01-13 12:55:09] <Madtrixr> ALright. First one...Natural 20!
[2010-01-13 12:55:25] <Tavana> As opposed to an un-natural one?
[2010-01-13 12:55:29] <add1> Notice how he kinda cups his hands when he rolls so that no one sees the die but him?
[2010-01-13 12:56:19] <Madtrixr> uh huh.
[2010-01-13 12:56:38] <Madtrixr> anyways, roll two...er...17?
[2010-01-13 12:56:48] <Madtrixr> So?
[2010-01-13 12:57:30] <Madtrixr> 37 plus mods equals...
[2010-01-13 12:57:35] <Tavana> Alright, you perform a perfect triple axel, and you hit your toe pick on the attempt of a quadruple.
[2010-01-13 12:57:47] <Tavana> You do not win the olympics.
[2010-01-13 12:57:53] <Madtrixr> aw...
[2010-01-13 12:58:15] <Madtrixr> Oh well.
[2010-01-13 12:58:23] <Tavana> You manage to convince the staff to hide in your pants.
[2010-01-13 12:58:27] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 12:58:35] <Madtrixr> And the female scientist?
[2010-01-13 12:58:42] <add1> She can hide there too.
[2010-01-13 12:58:47] <Madtrixr> :DDDD
[2010-01-13 12:58:58] <Madtrixr> so that's both of them...
[2010-01-13 12:59:06] <Madtrixr> now, to get out...
[2010-01-13 12:59:21] <add1> I'm on top of my pyramid and excaping by now, right?
[2010-01-13 12:59:28] <add1> I should be back in not dwarfaria?
[2010-01-13 12:59:29] <Tavana> The scientist, however, you notice is not as well endowed as you previously thought. The tell tale signs of chest hair sadly, do not stop you from using your superiour (cheated) roll from saving her.
[2010-01-13 12:59:51] <Madtrixr> Wah wah...
[2010-01-13 13:00:22] <Madtrixr> Oh well. one girls enough.
[2010-01-13 13:00:24] <Tavana> (You thought she was a D cup. In fact she's a B cup, with lots of chest hair.)
[2010-01-13 13:00:42] <Madtrixr> Meh, I'm sure there's hair removel.
[2010-01-13 13:00:43] <Tavana> add1, I need an agility roll.
[2010-01-13 13:00:55] <add1> 6
[2010-01-13 13:00:58] <Madtrixr> *removal
[2010-01-13 13:01:09] *** EpyonCF (~EpyonCF@static-78-8-146-214.ssp.dialog.net.pl) joined
[2010-01-13 13:01:36] <Madtrixr> I'll re-roll to save the scientist, if it'll make you change her back into a D-cup without chest hair.
[2010-01-13 13:01:50] <Madtrixr> I promise no cheating.
[2010-01-13 13:02:06] <thelaptop|work> o.O
[2010-01-13 13:02:12] <Tavana> Alright, add1, you manage to scramble up the pyramid to the relative saftey of the portal. Sadly, the two RPG loving scientists you tried to carry on your back are jettisoned in your attempt.
[2010-01-13 13:03:16] <Tavana> Alright, you have two options, Madtrixr - attempt to reroll, or attempt to escape. Your call.
[2010-01-13 13:03:50] <Madtrixr> I'll attempt a re-roll, if I fail, I'll leave the scientist behind, and keep the staff.
[2010-01-13 13:04:25] <Madtrixr> Ready?
[2010-01-13 13:04:31] <Tavana> Anytime, Mad.
[2010-01-13 13:04:43] <Madtrixr> Hmm...
[2010-01-13 13:04:45] <Madtrixr> 11
[2010-01-13 13:04:49] <Madtrixr> so?
[2010-01-13 13:04:50] <Tavana> Add1, you're back in the pub you started in. The hooker has regained her normal form.
[2010-01-13 13:05:11] <Tavana> She still appears angry, but in a sexy sort of way.
[2010-01-13 13:05:27] <add1> Knowing that the Sheriff will probably not be too far behind, I go get my things and leave.  The city.
[2010-01-13 13:05:33] <Tavana> Mad, your roll succeeds, the scientist also hides in your pants of holding.
[2010-01-13 13:05:40] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 13:05:50] <add1> It's guybrush
[2010-01-13 13:05:51] <Madtrixr> still has chest hair though, huh?
[2010-01-13 13:06:00] *** Dave-C changed nick to Dave-C|away
[2010-01-13 13:06:07] <Tavana> Nah, you were just mistaken. She's only a C cup.
[2010-01-13 13:06:21] <Tavana> His middle name is Threepwood, add1.
[2010-01-13 13:06:29] <Madtrixr> I can settle for a C with no chest hair.
[2010-01-13 13:06:45] <Tavana> You struggle up the pyramid and to the portal.
[2010-01-13 13:07:04] <Tavana> Add1, the hooker asks if she can go with you. She still needs those herbs, one way or the other.
[2010-01-13 13:08:23] <add1> I tell her no.  I don't need herbs.  I need money.  And that money happens to be upstairs in my wallet.  Which I'll need
[2010-01-13 13:08:32] <add1> to buy hookers and beer from more reputable towns
[2010-01-13 13:08:50] *** Dave-C|away changed nick to Dave-C
[2010-01-13 13:08:55] <Madtrixr> I told you. The mayor's a Yuan-Ti.
[2010-01-13 13:09:01] <add1> Plus my pants are up there too.
[2010-01-13 13:09:08] <Madtrixr> At least, I suspect he is.
[2010-01-13 13:09:10] <add1> I need those.
[2010-01-13 13:09:28] <add1> But I'm a slacker.  I have like five ranks in 'get out of some place crappy now'
[2010-01-13 13:09:37] <add1> so I should be gone by nw :)
[2010-01-13 13:10:12] <Tavana> Alright, add1, in the search for your belongings upstairs you are unable to find your pants. You do find a strapping kilt, though. Dressed (somewhat), you head out.
[2010-01-13 13:10:44] <add1> I wonder where my pants went?
[2010-01-13 13:10:45] <Madtrixr> And me?
[2010-01-13 13:10:45] <Tavana> You also acquired a leather jerkin, and some wonderful artistic pictures of the hooker in question.
[2010-01-13 13:10:55] <add1> I had a banana picker in those
[2010-01-13 13:11:36] <Tavana> Madtrixr, you ascend to find the slacking man gone for good. The mayor isn't very happy though. You are forced to do paperwork for several days straight before you have a rest and are able to remember the tracking rune.
[2010-01-13 13:12:02] <Tavana> You recover your banana picker, add1. Your pants are not to be found, though.
[2010-01-13 13:12:15] <add1> Meanwhile I'm out of this corrupt town, fre of staff, and still loaded with the cash I got from selling my long dead companion's goods.
[2010-01-13 13:12:50] <Madtrixr> Are the girls safe?
[2010-01-13 13:12:56] <add1> After enjoying my happy hedonistic lifestyle I decide it's time to join another hapless band of adventurers, munchkin my way to the top, backstab them at the end, and make off with their stuff
[2010-01-13 13:13:15] <Dave-C> add1: You sound like a certain Thief I know..
[2010-01-13 13:13:31] * Tavana has no idea what Dave is talking about
[2010-01-13 13:13:33] <add1> I go to the bar and look for anyone shifty eyed in a corner.  That's the universal call for group you see.
[2010-01-13 13:13:41] <add1> yeah, neither do I
[2010-01-13 13:13:58] <Tavana> Yes. The staff is safe, but still married to add1. Also, she polymorphed the scientist into a staff. They get it on your pants.
[2010-01-13 13:14:02] <Tavana> *on in
[2010-01-13 13:14:27] <Madtrixr> Well, that's technically the next best thing.
[2010-01-13 13:14:39] <Dave-C> 8-Bit Theater reference. There's a guy clled Thief, and tha's all he really does.
[2010-01-13 13:14:43] <Madtrixr> Now I need to find a good polymorph spell.
[2010-01-13 13:15:09] *** add2 (~User@ip46.net253.mw.net) joined
[2010-01-13 13:15:27] * add2 kicks old self
[2010-01-13 13:15:51] <add2> Say, did any of those scientists in the human pyramid make it out okay?
[2010-01-13 13:16:07] <Tavana> Funny you might mention that.
[2010-01-13 13:16:23] <Tavana> Turns out the cavern wasn't collapsing. It was imploding.
[2010-01-13 13:16:41] <Tavana> And several scientists got shoved through the portal.
[2010-01-13 13:16:45] <add2> Unless you're in a vacuum I would think that's pretty much the same thing
[2010-01-13 13:17:02] <Tavana> It's more the direction of it happening.
[2010-01-13 13:17:21] <Tavana> As opposed to stuff dropping down by gravity, stuff got sucked in by...implosionary forces.
[2010-01-13 13:17:39] <add2> Great.  A black hole spontaneously formed in the cavern :)
[2010-01-13 13:17:45] <add2> I thought nature abhored a vacuum...
[2010-01-13 13:18:10] <Tavana> Nature only hates one that it didn't make.
[2010-01-13 13:18:22] <Tavana> Nature's law: Thou shalt not make a vacuum in my image.
[2010-01-13 13:18:25] <Tavana> Or something like that.
[2010-01-13 13:18:51] <Tavana> So, yes, three naked females did happen to appear in the pub one day, amidst a slew of body parts being shoved into the portal. The pub owner was quite pleased, besides having to clean up the mess.
[2010-01-13 13:19:03] <add2> Slew of body parts?
[2010-01-13 13:19:20] <Tavana> Yes. People getting shoved partway through the portal.
[2010-01-13 13:19:26] <Tavana> A toe here, an arm there.
[2010-01-13 13:19:41] *** add1 quit (Ping timeout)
[2010-01-13 13:19:57] <add2> It's a stargate?
[2010-01-13 13:20:02] <Tavana> add1(2) you gain 500 exp for getting out alive, and another 250 for avoiding the obvious quest put in front of you.
[2010-01-13 13:20:24] <add2> Next stop I'm guessing is The Railroad :)
[2010-01-13 13:20:25] <Tavana> Madtrixr, you gain two female staves in your pants. That's experience enough.
[2010-01-13 13:20:34] <Madtrixr> Hells yeah.
[2010-01-13 13:20:36] <Tavana> Oh, wait. +50exp for doing that paperwork.
[2010-01-13 13:20:44] <Madtrixr> Yay.
[2010-01-13 13:21:36] <Madtrixr> Two female staves...that's reward enough once I find a polymorph.
[2010-01-13 13:21:37] * Tavana has to plan out the next adventure now
[2010-01-13 13:22:02] <add2> Wait, there was a PLAN?
[2010-01-13 13:22:13] <add2> I thought we were helping you practice improv...
[2010-01-13 13:22:22] <Tavana> Yeah, I have to have a plan so you can blatantly ignore it.
[2010-01-13 13:22:34] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 13:22:36] <add2> Oh.  Okay, as long as there's some structure to this.
[2010-01-13 13:22:43] * add2 bites
[2010-01-13 13:22:53] <add2> What was your original plot hook gonna result in...

[Madtrixr]

What goes on in IRC...

For those of you who don't visit the IRC channel, the following (put in spoiler tags for length) is part of the strange things that occasionally go down. I wasn't there for all of it, but there was only a few things before it. Enjoy, and visit the IRC!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[2010-01-13 11:22:48] * Tavana notes that said boss will most likely seek and destroy you after said quest for enlightenment
[2010-01-13 11:23:06] <add1> Doesn't matter.  I got the magical talisman or whatever he was guarding, so I'm set
[2010-01-13 11:23:07] <Tavana> Seeing at the boss will realize that you're to blame for his lack of purpose, as you were unwilling to actually KILL him.
[2010-01-13 11:23:17] <add1> AND all my party members are dead.
[2010-01-13 11:23:20] <add1> No sharing the loot!
[2010-01-13 11:23:27] <Tavana> He was guarding a DOOR. To the next room.
[2010-01-13 11:23:33] <Dave-C> What we playing?
[2010-01-13 11:23:40] <Madtrixr> Welcome! you're on Aussie Talk, on 103.8. GNR, Galaxy News Radio!
[2010-01-13 11:23:54] <Tavana> We're playing "Do something BESIDES the main quest".
[2010-01-13 11:24:03] <Dave-C> I LOVE that game
[2010-01-13 11:24:07] * add1 goes to town and sells his companions' high level equipment.  For money.  Which he spends on booze and hookers.  He does not rez them
[2010-01-13 11:24:08] <Tavana> add1, roll for initiative.
[2010-01-13 11:24:13] <add1> I rolled a 2
[2010-01-13 11:24:21] <Madtrixr> Oh, Sadness.
[2010-01-13 11:24:24] <add1> What, is there a bar fight?
[2010-01-13 11:24:29] <Tavana> Is that high or low? We'll say low.
[2010-01-13 11:24:47] <Tavana> No. Just deciding if you're on top, or the hooker is.
[2010-01-13 11:24:49] <Madtrixr> The gelatinous cube goes before you.
[2010-01-13 11:25:02] <add1> Hey, I am paying HER.
[2010-01-13 11:25:04] *** Dave-C changed nick to DaveC|away
[2010-01-13 11:25:05] <Madtrixr> Tavana: Ba dum pish.
[2010-01-13 11:25:06] <add1> SHE better do all the work.
[2010-01-13 11:25:28] <Madtrixr> Tav, nice initiative joke.
[2010-01-13 11:25:34] * add1 drinks away memories of his fallen party members... dumb sword guy... squishy magic dude... some other people...
[2010-01-13 11:26:08] <Tavana> The Hooker has a request of you. She is unable to make you climax unless you get her some herbs.
[2010-01-13 11:26:24] <add1> I kick her out of bed and do not pay her.
[2010-01-13 11:26:32] <Madtrixr> Can I make a Diplomacy check?
[2010-01-13 11:26:44] <add1> What, are you playing the whore?
[2010-01-13 11:26:46] <Tavana> You can, Madtrixr. Roll.
[2010-01-13 11:26:51] <add1> Should we roll up a character sheet for her?
[2010-01-13 11:27:00] <Madtrixr> Hang on. Where's my d20...
[2010-01-13 11:27:03] <Tavana> No, he's playing the local Sheriff.
[2010-01-13 11:27:08] <add1> I have a CHA score of 6
[2010-01-13 11:27:44] * Tavana wonders who doesn't have their dice in a bag attached to their belt?
[2010-01-13 11:27:56] * add1 doesn't know how to play D&D :)
[2010-01-13 11:28:03] <MaiZure> I definitely don't
[2010-01-13 11:28:13] <MaiZure> but I have excel with RANDBETWEEN()
[2010-01-13 11:28:16] <Tavana> Oh, you know how. You're doing it right now.
[2010-01-13 11:28:45] <Tavana> You just don't know how to do the TEDIOUS parts.
[2010-01-13 11:28:53] <add1> I have a random number generator I used stack smashing with to make the rolls completely manipulatable...
[2010-01-13 11:29:00] <Tavana> Okay, Madtrixr is taking too long. I roll the check for him.
[2010-01-13 11:29:01] <Madtrixr> Alright. 11.
[2010-01-13 11:29:10] <Tavana> Interesting.
[2010-01-13 11:29:24] <Tavana> Plus your charisma score, you succeed.
[2010-01-13 11:29:33] <Madtrixr> Yay.
[2010-01-13 11:29:36] <Tavana> Alright, add1.
[2010-01-13 11:30:28] <Tavana> You're in a semi-drunken state. You've got two very diplomatic looking knives at your throat, care of the deputy that the hooker called for. The sheriff is persuading you that you could go get some herbs and not die.
[2010-01-13 11:30:54] <add1> ...did I take off my armor beforehand?
[2010-01-13 11:31:03] *** thelapto1|away changed nick to thelaptop|work
[2010-01-13 11:31:53] <Gargulec|Ash> Hey guys
[2010-01-13 11:32:05] <Gargulec|Ash> any of you play urban dead?
[2010-01-13 11:32:10] <add1> nope.
[2010-01-13 11:32:11] <Tavana> The hooker could not get off your chainmail jerkin, or your mithril chastity belt. Otherwise you are naked.
[2010-01-13 11:32:23] <add1> So, what's my AC?
[2010-01-13 11:32:27] <add1> and my HP
[2010-01-13 11:32:34] <add1> hell, what is my character?
[2010-01-13 11:32:48] <Madtrixr> your ac is probably 13.
[2010-01-13 11:32:55] <add1> -13?  Okay, good...
[2010-01-13 11:33:11] <Madtrixr> Not your THACO.
[2010-01-13 11:33:16] <Tavana> You're a Slacker. A combination of all classes, but good at not much.
[2010-01-13 11:33:20] <Gargulec|Ash> Wrong edition!
[2010-01-13 11:33:25] <Madtrixr> Your AC.
[2010-01-13 11:33:26] <Gargulec|Ash> Hah-ah-hah
[2010-01-13 11:33:31] <Gargulec|Ash> BTW:
[2010-01-13 11:33:40] <Tavana> If you have a REASON to do something, though, you tend to succeed.
[2010-01-13 11:33:52] <Gargulec|Ash> People- what is it westernish-fantasy-dnd-RPG
[2010-01-13 11:34:03] * Gargulec|Ash wants, preferably in a PBF state
[2010-01-13 11:34:14] <Madtrixr> We're just fucking around,
[2010-01-13 11:34:18] <Tavana> HP: 37, AC: 13 -2 from your lack of coordination due to drunkeness
[2010-01-13 11:34:38] <Madtrixr> although I wouldn't mind a D&D rules pbf
[2010-01-13 11:34:40] <add1> Wait, I thought AC heing high was bad
[2010-01-13 11:34:55] * add1 's nethack wizard has -45 AC
[2010-01-13 11:35:01] <Tavana> Alright, work it the negative way.
[2010-01-13 11:35:06] <Tavana> AC: -13 +2
[2010-01-13 11:35:09] <Madtrixr> That's some THACO shit.
[2010-01-13 11:35:18] <Tavana> It's all the same to me.
[2010-01-13 11:35:26] <Gargulec|Ash> I say it- find somebody to GM DnD and I want! :P
[2010-01-13 11:35:32] <Madtrixr> Not that I would know.
[2010-01-13 11:35:33] <thelaptop|work> did i hear dnd?
[2010-01-13 11:35:41] <Gargulec|Ash> You've heard DND
[2010-01-13 11:35:49] <thelaptop|work> hmm hmm
[2010-01-13 11:35:53] <thelaptop|work> never played it
[2010-01-13 11:35:54] <Gargulec|Ash> We just need an Dungeon Master that will be willing to GM
[2010-01-13 11:36:01] <Tavana> Either way, you've got knives at your throat, a mithril chasity belt for some reason, a boss to kill sometime in the future, and some herbs to get. What do you do?
[2010-01-13 11:36:02] <thelaptop|work> though i had studied the rulebooks a tad too closely for a while
[2010-01-13 11:36:02] <Gargulec|Ash> A western-fantasy DND
[2010-01-13 11:36:05] <add1> Okay.  So I have no main class, I have some semi-decent armor on at this moment
[2010-01-13 11:36:24] <add1> Do I have a weapon nearby?  Am I a magician with spells prepared?
[2010-01-13 11:36:24] <thelaptop|work> add1: if you call a chastity belt an armour
[2010-01-13 11:36:30] <add1> Hey, it's AC :)
[2010-01-13 11:36:37] <Madtrixr> But I have a good hit bonus.
[2010-01-13 11:36:39] <add1> I'd wear my own entrails if there was a high enough AC bonus to it
[2010-01-13 11:36:41] <thelaptop|work> doomguy arming himself with a belt
[2010-01-13 11:36:44] <thelaptop|work> a chastity belt
[2010-01-13 11:36:49] <thelaptop|work> damn demons better look out
[2010-01-13 11:36:57] <thelaptop|work> actually, belt items sound like a nice inclusion
[2010-01-13 11:37:07] *** MaiZure quit (Read error: EOF from client)
[2010-01-13 11:37:19] <add1> anyway, weapons / prepared spells?  If I can teleport, I so am
[2010-01-13 11:37:38] <thelaptop|work> add1: quickly cast level 3 eroticism
[2010-01-13 11:37:41] <Tavana> You have a spell for stealing things from your fellow players. You also have one that makes it seem that you're better at things than you are. You have NO teleport ability...without your staff which you left outside the door.
[2010-01-13 11:37:50] <add1> hmm
[2010-01-13 11:37:52] <Tavana> Also, you have a dirk in your boot.
[2010-01-13 11:37:59] <Tavana> Which is on the other side of the bed.
[2010-01-13 11:38:07] * add1 casts level 3 eroticism at the deputies in the hopes that this makes them 'forget' about me and turn on the hooker
[2010-01-13 11:38:15] <Tavana> There's a rubber chicken on the floor.
[2010-01-13 11:38:26] <Madtrixr> with a pulley in the middle.
[2010-01-13 11:38:36] <Madtrixr> anyways...what's my will defense?
[2010-01-13 11:38:49] <Gargulec|Ash> There is also wild-eyed prophet screaming next door
[2010-01-13 11:38:55] <Tavana> You're the sheriff behind him, Mad, not the deputy.
[2010-01-13 11:39:07] <Madtrixr> Ah.
[2010-01-13 11:39:15] <Tavana> The deputy fails the will defense.
[2010-01-13 11:39:21] <Madtrixr> Lovely.
[2010-01-13 11:39:24] <Tavana> Sadly, the deputy is not heterosexual.
[2010-01-13 11:39:38] <Tavana> And is into sadism and masochism.
[2010-01-13 11:39:43] <thelaptop|work> AoMs!
[2010-01-13 11:39:44] <Tavana> Knives at your throat, I remind you.
[2010-01-13 11:39:48] <Madtrixr> Oh, Backfire.
[2010-01-13 11:39:48] <add1> ...he has a thing for the sherrif, right?
[2010-01-13 11:39:58] <Gargulec|Ash> Safewords! :D :D :D
[2010-01-13 11:40:04] <add1> He's totally into the sheriff...
[2010-01-13 11:40:08] <thelaptop|work> ^Z^Z^Z!
[2010-01-13 11:40:08] <Tavana> The safe word is radish.
[2010-01-13 11:40:23] <Gargulec|Ash> His name is Zed
[2010-01-13 11:40:39] <add1> So he's attacking me then?
[2010-01-13 11:40:59] <add1> I expected to kill the sheriff... I did not plan to shoot the deputy
[2010-01-13 11:41:01] <Gargulec|Ash> Worse
[2010-01-13 11:41:11] <Tavana> I'd rather not detail him trailing the tip of the knife down your body, making small holes in your chain jerkin..
[2010-01-13 11:41:24] <Madtrixr> >.<
[2010-01-13 11:41:24] <add1> okay, so I'll roll something...
[2010-01-13 11:41:26] <Tavana> A twist of fate!
[2010-01-13 11:41:30] <thelaptop|work> gives the phrase "kinky armour" a whole new meaning
[2010-01-13 11:41:41] <add1> I roll a 9
[2010-01-13 11:41:59] <Tavana> You 9 succeeds. The deputy dies.
[2010-01-13 11:42:07] <add1> Wow.
[2010-01-13 11:42:11] <add1> I killed a deputy with a die!
[2010-01-13 11:42:20] <add1> I jump for my boot
[2010-01-13 11:42:23] <Tavana> It was your lucky number I guess.
[2010-01-13 11:42:29] <Madtrixr> "Aw shit. That's the tenth deputy we've lost this month."
[2010-01-13 11:42:33] <add1> Actually, change that
[2010-01-13 11:42:48] <add1> After successfully killing a deputy with a small rock I attempt to intimidate the sheriff.
[2010-01-13 11:42:58] <add1> Think Riddick and the soup can in chronicles >)
[2010-01-13 11:43:14] <Tavana> Madtrixr, I'll allow you to use your rocket launcer in this situation, if your character wishes.
[2010-01-13 11:43:17] <add1> Oh, and I slowly make my way to my boot.  Maybe I can throw that :)
[2010-01-13 11:43:46] <Madtrixr> Yes, i'll move 5 squares away, and use my Rocket Launcher.
[2010-01-13 11:44:30] <Madtrixr> and...to roll...
[2010-01-13 11:44:58] <Madtrixr> hmm...I rolled a 15...plus my bonus...comes out to...
[2010-01-13 11:45:15] <Madtrixr> does a 17 hit?
[2010-01-13 11:45:32] <Tavana> The rock is launched! It flies at add1, ever so quickly...and he dodges. Damn that Mithril Chastity Belt of Dodging (Cursed). You run out of normal rock ammunition, Madtrixr.
[2010-01-13 11:45:59] <Madtrixr> Alright. What else do I have in my ammo bag?
[2010-01-13 11:46:13] <Tavana> You still have Shrapnel Rock ammunition. add1, any ideas? There's a staff at the door...
[2010-01-13 11:46:19] <add1> I know :/
[2010-01-13 11:46:26] <Madtrixr> I'll use my minor to reload with shrapnel.
[2010-01-13 11:46:33] <Madtrixr> and my turn is over.
[2010-01-13 11:46:33] <add1> Wasn't I suppossed to roll or soemthign to dodge?
[2010-01-13 11:47:00] <Tavana> I rolled your dodge for the chastity belt. It passed, so you didn't have to.
[2010-01-13 11:47:01] <add1> How much AC does that boot give me?
[2010-01-13 11:47:07] <add1> I can roll :(
[2010-01-13 11:47:10] <Tavana> Where do you wear it?
[2010-01-13 11:47:13] <add1> I wrote a quickie program for it
[2010-01-13 11:47:29] <add1> I'd probably wear it on my right foot.
[2010-01-13 11:47:34] <add1> It's my kickin' foot
[2010-01-13 11:47:47] <add1> So, how much AC?
[2010-01-13 11:48:07] *** Gargulec|Ash quit (Quit: ChatZilla 0.9.85 [Firefox 3.5.7/20091221164558])
[2010-01-13 11:48:08] <Tavana> -2 AC, +2 melee damage, +1 melee accuracy
[2010-01-13 11:48:13] <add1> hmm
[2010-01-13 11:48:22] <add1> I weild the boot and hit the sheriff
[2010-01-13 11:48:25] <Tavana> Also, you look pimping.
[2010-01-13 11:48:31] <add1> It's the abs.
[2010-01-13 11:48:55] <add1> It's a steel toed boot BTW
[2010-01-13 11:48:59] <Madtrixr> What's my AC?
[2010-01-13 11:49:02] <Tavana> I'm aware.
[2010-01-13 11:49:05] * add1 rolls
[2010-01-13 11:49:10] <add1> 15
[2010-01-13 11:49:12] <Tavana> You're AC is slightly to the North East.
[2010-01-13 11:49:20] <Tavana> Your
[2010-01-13 11:49:27] <Tavana> Also, it's -73
[2010-01-13 11:49:37] <Madtrixr> O_O That's good right?
[2010-01-13 11:49:41] <Tavana> Yes.
[2010-01-13 11:49:50] <Tavana> Hometown Sheriff benefits, I'm sure you understand.
[2010-01-13 11:50:00] <Madtrixr> :D indeed, I do.
[2010-01-13 11:50:01] <Tavana> You hit him, add1.
[2010-01-13 11:50:07] <Madtrixr> O_O Wow.
[2010-01-13 11:50:18] <Tavana> You should see the slacker attack bonus sheet.
[2010-01-13 11:50:32] <add1> Prestige clas in slacker
[2010-01-13 11:50:34] <Tavana> By hit, and him, though...
[2010-01-13 11:50:49] <Tavana> Him in the case means the dog. And it's actually a her. She's not happy.
[2010-01-13 11:50:59] <Madtrixr> Oh, sadness.
[2010-01-13 11:51:03] <add1> Dog?  Is that what you're calling my lovely companion :o
[2010-01-13 11:51:12] <Tavana> Yes, the hooker.
[2010-01-13 11:51:23] <Tavana> She happens to be a canine. The best paid in town.
[2010-01-13 11:51:28] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 11:51:49] <Tavana> She's a polymorph, I guess.
[2010-01-13 11:51:52] <Tavana> Or something.
[2010-01-13 11:52:02] <Tavana> Anyhow. You don't kill her, but not for lack of trying.
[2010-01-13 11:52:18] <Tavana> And no, this is not turning into another sex scene.
[2010-01-13 11:52:19] *** ContraDu1k quit (Ping timeout)
[2010-01-13 11:52:20] <Tavana> She still wants herbs, dammit.
[2010-01-13 11:53:00] <Tavana> A trio of drunken travellers see the two (three) of you fighting, and assumes that you're attempting to hurt a small innocent dog.
[2010-01-13 11:53:07] <add1> You know what, I'm just gonna go...
[2010-01-13 11:53:14] <Tavana> They attack!
[2010-01-13 11:53:16] <add1> grab my stuff, leave, run, hide, whatever.
[2010-01-13 11:53:23] <Tavana> The staff is at the door...
[2010-01-13 11:53:37] *** ContraDuck (~mavery@120.19.115.237) joined
[2010-01-13 11:53:39] <add1> So I dodge them, eat whatever damage I have to, and make my way out of this cramped room :)
[2010-01-13 11:53:50] <Madtrixr> and once you move, it's my turn.
[2010-01-13 11:54:01] <add1> and then I remind myself to never ever buy a doppleganger
[2010-01-13 11:54:08] <Tavana> Add1, may I direct your attention to this post:
[2010-01-13 11:54:11] <Tavana> [11:37] <Tavana> You have a spell for stealing things from your fellow players. You also have one that makes it seem that you're better at things than you are. You have NO teleport ability...without your staff which you left outside the door.
[2010-01-13 11:54:26] <add1> Ih, so the staff teleports me?
[2010-01-13 11:54:40] <Tavana> The staff can do that. If it's in a good mood.
[2010-01-13 11:54:53] <Madtrixr> Oh, so it's an artifact?
[2010-01-13 11:54:54] <add1> Do I have to whisper sweet nothings in its ear or make a check :p
[2010-01-13 11:54:59] <add1> I dive for it
[2010-01-13 11:55:01] <Tavana> Yes. Both.
[2010-01-13 11:55:29] <add1> then tell it how much I love you miss artifact staff now please get me outof here :/
[2010-01-13 11:55:33] * add1 rolls
[2010-01-13 11:55:35] <Tavana> It's a staff. That happens to contain the crystalized conciousness of somebody powerful
[2010-01-13 11:55:37] <add1> 10
[2010-01-13 11:55:45] <Tavana> Who is apparently female.
[2010-01-13 11:55:58] <add1> Maybe it was one of my now deceased party members :)
[2010-01-13 11:56:02] <add1> The staff chick...
[2010-01-13 11:56:07] <add1> They love slacker dudes
[2010-01-13 11:56:11] <Tavana> Alright, rolling female staff pissyness...time of the month factor...
[2010-01-13 11:56:14] <add1> I'm in a band too
[2010-01-13 11:56:35] <Madtrixr> Do I have anything to stop him with?
[2010-01-13 11:56:51] <Tavana> The staff is more powerful than you madtrixr, I'm afraid.
[2010-01-13 11:57:02] <Tavana> (being female_
[2010-01-13 11:57:16] <Tavana> And the staff is a happy staff today.
[2010-01-13 11:57:22] <Madtrixr> No, but is there someway to knock the staff out of his hands? or even prevent him form getting it back?
[2010-01-13 11:57:33] * thelaptop|work puts on his robe and wizard hat and sits around watching you folks
[2010-01-13 11:57:41] <Tavana> It's at the door. He was right next to it. You're reloading.
[2010-01-13 11:57:58] <Madtrixr> ...That was my minor.
[2010-01-13 11:58:05] <Madtrixr> come on man.
[2010-01-13 11:58:09] <Tavana> It's rock shrapnel.
[2010-01-13 11:58:24] <Tavana> How fast can you stuff pebbles down a rocket launcher?
[2010-01-13 11:58:39] <Tavana> Either way, he has a hold of his staff.
[2010-01-13 11:58:48] <Tavana> >.>
[2010-01-13 11:59:12] * Madtrixr flips through the players handbook 35...
[2010-01-13 11:59:15] <Madtrixr> AH HA!
[2010-01-13 11:59:16] <Tavana> The staff executes the teleport command...calculating radius...
[2010-01-13 11:59:50] <Madtrixr> free action! throw a tracking glyph on a criminal!
[2010-01-13 11:59:54] <thelaptop|work> Tavana: "a hold of his staff"
[2010-01-13 12:00:09] <add1> Wait, there are RULES?
[2010-01-13 12:00:16] <Madtrixr> I don't know.
[2010-01-13 12:00:21] <Tavana> Yes. There are. If I let something happen, it happens.
[2010-01-13 12:00:25] <Tavana> Otherwise, it doesn't.
[2010-01-13 12:00:29] <add1> Ah, rule 0.
[2010-01-13 12:00:38] <Madtrixr> I'm just trying to figure out a way to keep track of you.
[2010-01-13 12:00:41] <Tavana> And sorry, thelaptop, should have been a hold ON his staff.
[2010-01-13 12:00:46] <Tavana> You don't have to.
[2010-01-13 12:00:53] <Tavana> The staff has a teleport radius.
[2010-01-13 12:00:57] <Tavana> You're caught in it.
[2010-01-13 12:00:59] <Madtrixr> Oh right.
[2010-01-13 12:01:06] <Madtrixr> Wah wah...
[2010-01-13 12:01:15] <Tavana> Add...teleported to the dwarven city of...Dwarvia.
[2010-01-13 12:01:23] <Tavana> BUT!
[2010-01-13 12:01:30] <add1> Did I not get to specify where I wanted to go?
[2010-01-13 12:01:35] <Madtrixr> ...Which is how far from where I'm sherrif?
[2010-01-13 12:01:37] <Tavana> You did.
[2010-01-13 12:01:45] <add1> I never said dwarves.
[2010-01-13 12:01:53] <Tavana> [11:55] <add1> then tell it how much I love you miss artifact staff now please get me outof here :/
[2010-01-13 12:01:55] <add1> ...they don't even have unbearded whores...
[2010-01-13 12:02:28] <add1> Also, if the sheriff tagged along, he should lose his AC bonus so I can beat on him :)
[2010-01-13 12:02:37] <Tavana> Madtrixr, this happens to be directly underneath your Sherrifdom by about 300 metres.
[2010-01-13 12:02:49] <Madtrixr> Ah yes.
[2010-01-13 12:02:51] <Tavana> Far enough away that you do not keep your bonus, I'm afraid.
[2010-01-13 12:02:59] <Madtrixr> Well, what is it now?
[2010-01-13 12:03:00] <add1> I hope the dwarves don't find anything too unusual about a half dressed slacker beating on a human sheriff...
[2010-01-13 12:03:20] <Tavana> -60
[2010-01-13 12:03:24] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 12:03:27] <add1> hmm
[2010-01-13 12:03:37] <add1> Since the Sheriff doesn't KNOW where he is
[2010-01-13 12:03:41] <Tavana> Yes?
[2010-01-13 12:03:47] <add1> I offer to buy him a dwarven ale
[2010-01-13 12:03:56] <add1> and show him around this new, far away land
[2010-01-13 12:04:10] <add1> You know, make friends... with beer
[2010-01-13 12:04:29] <add1> and I try to play the whole teleport thing off as an 'oops, I didn't know that's what it did
[2010-01-13 12:04:49] <Madtrixr> I decline. You don't pay our hookers, you get thrown in jail.
[2010-01-13 12:05:34] <Tavana> Now, the shock change of the somewhat light tavern insides to a very dark cave setting has blurred your vision slightly. Anyone want to look around?
[2010-01-13 12:05:55] <Madtrixr> should I make a Perception check?
[2010-01-13 12:06:01] <Tavana> You should.
[2010-01-13 12:06:17] <Tavana> add1's staff has already made a perception check.
[2010-01-13 12:06:39] <Madtrixr> 18...plus 2...plus 5...25.
[2010-01-13 12:06:45] <add1> I flipt he sheriff the bird and tell him 'She tried to rip me off.  I don't pay for rip-off hookers.  And fine then.  Don't accept my help, we'll be stuck in dwarf land forever.
[2010-01-13 12:06:53] <add1> I make NO checks at all.
[2010-01-13 12:06:59] <add1> But I rolled a 9 if you need it
[2010-01-13 12:07:12] * add1 loves how talking is a free action
[2010-01-13 12:07:15] <Tavana> Fine. But the dwarves don't accept American Express.
[2010-01-13 12:07:25] <thelaptop|work> try yendorian express
[2010-01-13 12:07:28] <thelaptop|work> might be a little luckier
[2010-01-13 12:07:29] <thelaptop|work> bwahaha
[2010-01-13 12:07:55] <Tavana> Madtrixr is mildly perceptive, for a somewhat corrupt sherrif.
[2010-01-13 12:07:59] <add1> hehehe
[2010-01-13 12:08:26] <Madtrixr> DOn't blame me, it's the mayor.
[2010-01-13 12:08:42] <add1> We're stuck in the far off lands of dwarf ville :/
[2010-01-13 12:08:44] <Tavana> He notices the lack of dwarves. Or anything besides a ring of seats circling you. You appear to be in a bowl.
[2010-01-13 12:08:44] <Madtrixr> I swear, sometimes I think he's really a snake-person...
[2010-01-13 12:08:52] <add1> It behooves us not to fight TOO much amongst ouselves.
[2010-01-13 12:09:09] <Tavana> It's Dwarvia.
[2010-01-13 12:09:34] <add1> Hey, you want me to remember names, make the king Ted the Great instead of AraDrovavariawhateveria
[2010-01-13 12:09:52] <Madtrixr> Dwarvia.
[2010-01-13 12:09:54] <Tavana> The staff suggests she would like a nice massage.
[2010-01-13 12:09:58] <add1> Otherwise I'll jsut go 'the sheriff... guy wanted me to get the mystical... thing
[2010-01-13 12:10:18] <add1> I slap the staff for teleporting me in dwarf land and tell it to make me a sammich
[2010-01-13 12:10:20] <Tavana> Twas some herbs. For the hooker. So you could...be happy.
[2010-01-13 12:10:39] <add1> That was the hooker's job to begin with.
[2010-01-13 12:10:39] <Tavana> The staff make you a sammich. You are a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:10:45] <Madtrixr> the sherrif happens to be an amatuer massuse.
[2010-01-13 12:10:51] <Madtrixr> (however you say it.
[2010-01-13 12:10:59] <add1> What are my stats polymorphed into a sammich?
[2010-01-13 12:11:03] <add1> masseure
[2010-01-13 12:11:05] <Tavana> Put an r on the end, and it's the male version, as I recall.
[2010-01-13 12:11:15] <add1> Okay maybe not
[2010-01-13 12:11:25] <Tavana> Think you're correct, add1.
[2010-01-13 12:11:42] <Madtrixr> anyways, my hobby is massaging, but...you know...
[2010-01-13 12:11:46] <add1> Golly, my old bartender was one, you'd think I'd remember how to spell it
[2010-01-13 12:12:16] <Tavana> Anyway, your sammichy stats are -100 AC due to soggyness, the ham is starting to turn mouldy, you gain +5 to biological attacks...
[2010-01-13 12:12:23] <thelaptop|work> o.O
[2010-01-13 12:12:30] <add1> How much HP?
[2010-01-13 12:12:34] <Tavana> No one wants to touch a soggy sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:12:39] <Tavana> 5.
[2010-01-13 12:12:43] <add1> Do I lose 5-10 permanently if I get killed in this form?  I think that's how NetHack does it
[2010-01-13 12:12:45] <Madtrixr> I don't know if the staff would want me to massage her, now that her owner is a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:13:10] <Tavana> The staff asserts that she is a woman, and therefore not the property of anyone.
[2010-01-13 12:13:12] * thelaptop|work rolls eyes at what he is seeing -- back to work he goes
[2010-01-13 12:13:39] <Tavana> You lose the ability to eat sammiches ever again if you die in this form.
[2010-01-13 12:14:01] <Madtrixr> Well, in that case...ahem..."my fine lady, would you like a massage from me?
[2010-01-13 12:14:02] <Madtrixr> "
[2010-01-13 12:14:40] <add1> I roll a 13 against mold
[2010-01-13 12:14:50] <Tavana> The staff, asserts that she is a staff, and not a lady. Also, no. She got the crimp out of her handle when she polymorphed the slacker into a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:14:58] <Tavana> Also, she polymorphed the hooker. Plot twist!
[2010-01-13 12:15:04] <add1> How long until this polymorph wears off?
[2010-01-13 12:15:06] <Tavana> You succeed. The mold grows.
[2010-01-13 12:15:27] <Madtrixr> "very well then. but now what?"
[2010-01-13 12:16:03] <Tavana> Until you become a ball of mold. Then, the spores will erupt, and you'll pop out of the mass, unscathed, besides the cancer in your spleen.
[2010-01-13 12:16:20] <Tavana> The staff states: "Now the tournament beings!"
[2010-01-13 12:16:27] <Madtrixr> Oh lovely.
[2010-01-13 12:16:35] <add1> Eh, I'm an adventurer.  Cancer takes years to kill me, I'm sur I'll run into a potion of full healing or something by then :)
[2010-01-13 12:16:42] <Tavana> The ring of seats around you are suddenly filled with people.
[2010-01-13 12:17:00] <Tavana> Pygmy moths are released into the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:17:14] <Tavana> Someone throws two nets into the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:17:14] <Madtrixr> "Oh goody."
[2010-01-13 12:17:15] <thelaptop|work> on another note, <3 red armour BNP
[2010-01-13 12:17:25] <Tavana> BNP?
[2010-01-13 12:17:29] <thelaptop|work> it's better than onyx armor AP
[2010-01-13 12:17:32] <Tavana> Nano.
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <Tavana> Gotcha.
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <add1> BNP?
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <add1> OH.
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <Tavana> Bulk, Nano, Power
[2010-01-13 12:17:44] <add1> Stats.
[2010-01-13 12:17:49] <Madtrixr> anyways.
[2010-01-13 12:18:03] <Tavana> add1, roll.
[2010-01-13 12:18:14] <add1> 12.  What did I roll for?
[2010-01-13 12:18:30] <Madtrixr> so...does one of us have to beat the other BEFORE the pygmy moths devour us? or what?
[2010-01-13 12:18:43] <add1> i'M A SANDWICH.
[2010-01-13 12:18:47] <add1> Gah.
[2010-01-13 12:18:52] <Tavana> add1, you burst into spores. The spores attack madtrixr.
[2010-01-13 12:18:58] <Madtrixr> Ah!
[2010-01-13 12:19:01] <add1> It's super effective!
[2010-01-13 12:19:06] <Madtrixr> Oh no!
[2010-01-13 12:19:06] <Tavana> You rolled your spore attack.
[2010-01-13 12:19:18] <Madtrixr> What's my Fortitude?
[2010-01-13 12:19:33] <Tavana> Also, you appear to have lost your mithril chastity belt.
[2010-01-13 12:19:49] <Tavana> Your Fortitude is 21.
[2010-01-13 12:20:09] <add1> Well yeah, I'm a sandwich.  At least they didn't expand and rip to shreds :)
[2010-01-13 12:20:14] <add1> Mithril belts are hard to come by...
[2010-01-13 12:20:17] <Tavana> You fail your arms like a little girl, and the spores make you hack and cough. Also, you look like a little girl. You lose -2 ego.
[2010-01-13 12:21:08] <Madtrixr> Great.
[2010-01-13 12:21:09] <Tavana> You burst, add1. You ARE indeed still a sammich on the inside, but your outside resembles your nearly naked Slacker self.
[2010-01-13 12:21:21] <Tavana> By the way...those moths...
[2010-01-13 12:21:29] <Tavana> They flutter about the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:21:29] <add1> That's what counts in the end.
[2010-01-13 12:21:32] <Tavana> That's all.
[2010-01-13 12:21:34] <add1> So I'm naked
[2010-01-13 12:21:39] <add1> I'm not a sandwich
[2010-01-13 12:21:42] <add1> I have no weapon
[2010-01-13 12:22:00] <add1> and the staff I was weilding is apparently making me fight the sheriff to the death
[2010-01-13 12:22:13] <add1> I apologize to the staff.  Hey baby, I didn't mean to hurt you...
[2010-01-13 12:22:23] <add1> I'll treat you right...
[2010-01-13 12:22:28] <Tavana> The staff notes that indeed you did. And no, you won't.
[2010-01-13 12:22:37] <add1> Not even a roll?
[2010-01-13 12:22:42] <add1> 18
[2010-01-13 12:22:45] <add1> I rolled an 18
[2010-01-13 12:22:48] <Tavana> The staff is female. You fail your roll.
[2010-01-13 12:23:25] <Tavana> But, due to your persuasive nature, she explains the nature of the tournament.
[2010-01-13 12:23:28] *** DaveC|away changed nick to Dave-C
[2010-01-13 12:23:52] <Tavana> She indicates the nets, and the moths, and the things around the ring, noting that they appear to be scientifically minded.
[2010-01-13 12:24:02] <Tavana> How she does this, being a staff, is beyond anyone.
[2010-01-13 12:24:07] <Tavana> But she does.
[2010-01-13 12:24:15] <add1> Damn, shouldn't have used int and wis as dump stats...
[2010-01-13 12:24:15] <Madtrixr> Dude, didn't you know? Female adds 35 to any challenge rating.
[2010-01-13 12:24:43] <Tavana> She scathingly implies that they want you to net a moth.
[2010-01-13 12:25:34] <add1> As in, more than the sheriff dude?
[2010-01-13 12:25:51] <add1> Fine... I guess i try to catch some moth thing...
[2010-01-13 12:25:53] <Tavana> She remains silent.
[2010-01-13 12:25:53] <add1> 8
[2010-01-13 12:26:11] <add1> ooh, had I waited three seconds I would've rolled a 1
[2010-01-13 12:26:18] <Madtrixr> 19.
[2010-01-13 12:26:37] <add1> I really should've +1d the rand calls.  It's annoying seeing zero
[2010-01-13 12:27:06] <Tavana> You choose to not equip anything, add1. You flail around naked. Madtrixr, you manage to trip over the nets still on the ground, but catch a moth anyhow.
[2010-01-13 12:27:21] <Madtrixr> Yay
[2010-01-13 12:27:31] <add1> I've caught moths with my hands before...
[2010-01-13 12:27:57] <add1> When I get back I'm selling this god-damned staff...
[2010-01-13 12:27:58] <Tavana> The moths appear to be somewhat afraid of a naked flailing slacker, though.
[2010-01-13 12:28:13] <Tavana> You married it, add1. That's for life.
[2010-01-13 12:28:26] <add1> I lied.  I just wanted to get laid :)
[2010-01-13 12:28:28] <Madtrixr> Ohhh, Wah wah...
[2010-01-13 12:28:43] <add1> It was a shotgun wedding anyway
[2010-01-13 12:28:56] <add1> Damn farmer.  Only later did I discover the shotgun wasn't loaded.
[2010-01-13 12:29:54] <Tavana> The farmer was actually your father, in polymorphed form
[2010-01-13 12:30:01] <Tavana> He just wanted to get you into line.
[2010-01-13 12:30:15] <add1> o.0
[2010-01-13 12:30:31] <Madtrixr> Wait, so the farmers daughter was a staff?
[2010-01-13 12:30:33] <add1> Wouldn't that make the staff my sister?
[2010-01-13 12:30:38] <Tavana> Anyhow, the scientological types seem angered by Madtrixr's catching of a moth barehanded.
[2010-01-13 12:30:48] <Madtrixr> Oh great.
[2010-01-13 12:30:57] <Tavana> The staff is your half sister.
[2010-01-13 12:31:01] <Madtrixr> can I pick up a net and attempt again?
[2010-01-13 12:31:18] <add1> Clearly I can blame my WIS score on inbreeding...
[2010-01-13 12:31:24] <Tavana> You can, if you can avoid the mind flayers being released.
[2010-01-13 12:31:26] *** Nyarlathotep (~blastbeet@210.1.208.237) joined
[2010-01-13 12:31:30] <Madtrixr> Oh shit.
[2010-01-13 12:31:32] <Tavana> He's actually your step father.
[2010-01-13 12:31:39] <Tavana> So, the staff isn't a blood relative.
[2010-01-13 12:31:41] <add1> Sweet!  I have no INT thus they won't be interested in me.
[2010-01-13 12:32:04] <Tavana> The crotch flayers are released from the other side of the ring.
[2010-01-13 12:32:25] <add1> Damn... Because I'm definitely sporting somethign there :)
[2010-01-13 12:32:35] <add1> I put my mithril chastity belt back on.
[2010-01-13 12:33:15] <Madtrixr> Mad is unsure wether or not they crotch flayers will come after him.
[2010-01-13 12:33:38] <Dave-C> If you can get caught in your zip, they will.
[2010-01-13 12:34:13] <Tavana> In an ironic twist of fate, the moths are hugely endowed (for their size) and are incredibly intelligent. The mind and crotch flayers are satiated feeding on the moths.
[2010-01-13 12:34:22] <Madtrixr> Phew.
[2010-01-13 12:34:32] <add1> Whew.  I can't tell you how worried I was.
[2010-01-13 12:34:49] <add1> So can I just leave the staff here and go home>?
[2010-01-13 12:35:13] <Tavana> The scientological types tempt you with beer, and a mayoral position, respectively.
[2010-01-13 12:35:20] <Tavana> Hookers are implied with the beer.
[2010-01-13 12:35:34] <add1> Tempting, but I suspect it may be a trap.
[2010-01-13 12:35:41] <add1> I instead look for a good divorce attorney
[2010-01-13 12:35:53] <Tavana> A mansion, and a utopian society for you to corrupt are implied with the mayoral position.
[2010-01-13 12:36:42] <Tavana> One of the scientists knows a good one, got rid of the dwarf woman who drugged him. He suggests you both retire to the testing room to discuss matters.
[2010-01-13 12:36:42] <add1> me feels like he's actually in the DM of the Rings
[2010-01-13 12:37:26] <Tavana> The staff turns a cold shoulder in the best fashion that a staff can.
[2010-01-13 12:37:43] <add1> She tried to kill me!  That's totally grounds for divorce.
[2010-01-13 12:38:03] <Madtrixr> I feel like I could treat the staff properly. treat her like she should be treated.
[2010-01-13 12:38:24] <Madtrixr> Like the Absolute Overlord of everything ever.
[2010-01-13 12:38:33] <add1> Careful man.
[2010-01-13 12:38:52] <add1> I put a hand on the sheriff's shoulder since we're so budy buddy now.  He may or may not notice that I'm completely naked now
[2010-01-13 12:39:09] *** Jim9137 quit (Quit: Leaving)
[2010-01-13 12:39:12] <Tavana> Roll for perception, Mad.
[2010-01-13 12:39:13] <add1> She's pure crazy.  And you know what they say about crazy.  Date 'em, don't marry 'em
[2010-01-13 12:39:25] <Madtrixr> Oh snap. 20
[2010-01-13 12:39:35] <add1> He is impressed, no?
[2010-01-13 12:39:36] <Madtrixr> so, plus 7
[2010-01-13 12:40:00] <Madtrixr> 27
[2010-01-13 12:40:12] <add1> What's this plus stuff anyway?
[2010-01-13 12:40:14] <Tavana> You succeed beyond your wildest dreams! You realize that add1 is indeed naked, but you don't care.
[2010-01-13 12:40:27] <Madtrixr> my modfiers.
[2010-01-13 12:40:36] <add1> Do I get any?
[2010-01-13 12:40:47] <Madtrixr> I'm trained in perception, and my WIS is 14
[2010-01-13 12:41:00] <Madtrixr> so +5 and +2
[2010-01-13 12:41:07] <Tavana> You realize that the staff is indeed a hot staff, and that polymorph spells could be used on her. Also, you realize you should never ever marry her.
[2010-01-13 12:41:16] <add1> She's a redhead too
[2010-01-13 12:41:26] <Madtrixr> ...Sign me up.
[2010-01-13 12:41:47] <Madtrixr> now...I need to succeed on a diplomacy check to get her to go out with me...
[2010-01-13 12:41:53] <Tavana> You realize there's a hot scientist in the colleseum that has been trying to get you to notice her sign offering beer and sex.
[2010-01-13 12:42:04] <add1> I put my equipment back on.
[2010-01-13 12:42:10] <Tavana> You realize the cave is about to collapse.
[2010-01-13 12:42:10] <add1> Lesse, a single boot
[2010-01-13 12:42:13] <Madtrixr> ...hmm...A tough decision.
[2010-01-13 12:42:14] <add1> a dirk within the boot
[2010-01-13 12:42:15] <add1> a belt
[2010-01-13 12:42:19] <add1> chainmail
[2010-01-13 12:42:20] <Madtrixr> quickly...
[2010-01-13 12:42:22] <add1> yep, that's everything
[2010-01-13 12:42:29] <Madtrixr> I need an epic roll to get it.
[2010-01-13 12:42:43] <add1> The cave is collapsing?  I leave.  Where's the exit?
[2010-01-13 12:42:56] <Tavana> You realize the cave is about to collapse.
[2010-01-13 12:42:57] <Madtrixr> (both the staff and the scientist, and get out in time.
[2010-01-13 12:43:02] <Madtrixr> )
[2010-01-13 12:43:11] <Tavana> For emphasis.
[2010-01-13 12:43:25] <Tavana> The cave exit is at the top. Duh.
[2010-01-13 12:43:34] <add1> I think his line of thinking is 'anything greater than 'collapsed' means I'm ready for action baby'
[2010-01-13 12:44:17] <Tavana> Oh, and add1, you get secret modifiers for being a slacker.
[2010-01-13 12:44:24] <Madtrixr> Hmm...
[2010-01-13 12:44:25] <Tavana> I just apply them without you have to, because you're a slacker.
[2010-01-13 12:44:38] <add1> My modifiers run on plotonium
[2010-01-13 12:44:46] <add1> They are as high as the plot needs them
[2010-01-13 12:44:49] <Tavana> For example +2 to all rolls if the GM is eating a sammich.
[2010-01-13 12:44:56] <Dave-C> XD
[2010-01-13 12:45:45] <Madtrixr> Is there anyway to roll to rescue the staff and the scientist, and escape out of the cave in one roll>
[2010-01-13 12:45:46] <Madtrixr> ?
[2010-01-13 12:46:02] <Tavana> Yes. And there may be a threesome involved.
[2010-01-13 12:46:13] <Madtrixr> What's the DC?
[2010-01-13 12:46:16] <add1> Wha?  I don't want that with the sheriff
[2010-01-13 12:46:25] <Tavana> Tough luck, add1.
[2010-01-13 12:46:30] <Tavana> If he rolls high enough...
[2010-01-13 12:46:47] <add1> I at least get to roll a constitution check against his wiles
[2010-01-13 12:46:52] <add1> 8
[2010-01-13 12:47:05] <Tavana> Well, depending on how you decide to roll it, Madtrixr, anywhere from 30 to 75.
[2010-01-13 12:47:19] <Tavana> add1, you succeed in rolling an 8. No one dies.
[2010-01-13 12:47:21] <add1> on a 20 sided die?
[2010-01-13 12:47:35] <Tavana> Modifiers, add1.
[2010-01-13 12:47:55] <Tavana> 1-20+modifiers > DC
[2010-01-13 12:48:26] <Tavana> = magical night out with a staff and a scientist.
[2010-01-13 12:48:48] <Tavana> Hell, if you try to get them all at once, Madtrixr, I'll throw in some modifiers myself.
[2010-01-13 12:49:01] * Tavana gives a hint "You'll need the net..."
[2010-01-13 12:49:16] * Madtrixr first off grabs a net.
[2010-01-13 12:49:48] <Tavana> Alright, I just need one choice from you, madtrixr - the staff or the scientist first?
[2010-01-13 12:49:55] <Madtrixr> to save?
[2010-01-13 12:49:58] <Tavana> Yes.
[2010-01-13 12:50:34] <Tavana> Also, add1: now that you're wearing clothing, a flock of adoring RPG scientists attends you. Not all of them are male.
[2010-01-13 12:50:59] <add1> That seems odd.  I'd think my main groupies would've wanted me withut the clothing...
[2010-01-13 12:51:09] <Madtrixr> Well...Hmm...Will I still be able to save the other chick
[2010-01-13 12:51:16] <Madtrixr> ?
[2010-01-13 12:51:23] <add1> Still, cave collapsing, I try to escape the 'rocks fall everyone dies' fate
[2010-01-13 12:51:41] <Madtrixr> Screw it, staff first, scientist second.
[2010-01-13 12:51:56] <add1> and unless tyhey're willing to form a giant human pyramid so that I can climb to safety, they can fend for themselves
[2010-01-13 12:52:15] <add1> Could you describe the exit?
[2010-01-13 12:53:10] <Tavana> The exit is a shimmering portal, about ten metres off the ground. You convince the males of the group to attempt a pyramid.
[2010-01-13 12:53:18] <Tavana> I need two rolls, madtrixr.
[2010-01-13 12:53:34] <add1> What are they all doing in this collapsing cave anyway?  Why is the cave collapsing>
[2010-01-13 12:54:00] <Madtrixr> Come on d20...don't fail me now...
[2010-01-13 12:54:06] <add1> I roll a CHA check in order to convince the males to be on the bottom and the females to follow me out the portal
[2010-01-13 12:54:13] <add1> 6
[2010-01-13 12:54:26] <Tavana> A pygmy moth collecting tournament, obiously. And it's collapsing due to natures abhorrance to vaccum cleaners.
[2010-01-13 12:54:43] <add1> Maybe I could pimp the females for extra gold when we're done...
[2010-01-13 12:54:45] <Tavana> Scientists created vacuum cleaners, nature hates scientists.
[2010-01-13 12:54:59] <Tavana> So when large amounts of scientists get together, nature kills them.
[2010-01-13 12:55:09] <Madtrixr> ALright. First one...Natural 20!
[2010-01-13 12:55:25] <Tavana> As opposed to an un-natural one?
[2010-01-13 12:55:29] <add1> Notice how he kinda cups his hands when he rolls so that no one sees the die but him?
[2010-01-13 12:56:19] <Madtrixr> uh huh.
[2010-01-13 12:56:38] <Madtrixr> anyways, roll two...er...17?
[2010-01-13 12:56:48] <Madtrixr> So?
[2010-01-13 12:57:30] <Madtrixr> 37 plus mods equals...
[2010-01-13 12:57:35] <Tavana> Alright, you perform a perfect triple axel, and you hit your toe pick on the attempt of a quadruple.
[2010-01-13 12:57:47] <Tavana> You do not win the olympics.
[2010-01-13 12:57:53] <Madtrixr> aw...
[2010-01-13 12:58:15] <Madtrixr> Oh well.
[2010-01-13 12:58:23] <Tavana> You manage to convince the staff to hide in your pants.
[2010-01-13 12:58:27] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 12:58:35] <Madtrixr> And the female scientist?
[2010-01-13 12:58:42] <add1> She can hide there too.
[2010-01-13 12:58:47] <Madtrixr> :DDDD
[2010-01-13 12:58:58] <Madtrixr> so that's both of them...
[2010-01-13 12:59:06] <Madtrixr> now, to get out...
[2010-01-13 12:59:21] <add1> I'm on top of my pyramid and excaping by now, right?
[2010-01-13 12:59:28] <add1> I should be back in not dwarfaria?
[2010-01-13 12:59:29] <Tavana> The scientist, however, you notice is not as well endowed as you previously thought. The tell tale signs of chest hair sadly, do not stop you from using your superiour (cheated) roll from saving her.
[2010-01-13 12:59:51] <Madtrixr> Wah wah...
[2010-01-13 13:00:22] <Madtrixr> Oh well. one girls enough.
[2010-01-13 13:00:24] <Tavana> (You thought she was a D cup. In fact she's a B cup, with lots of chest hair.)
[2010-01-13 13:00:42] <Madtrixr> Meh, I'm sure there's hair removel.
[2010-01-13 13:00:43] <Tavana> add1, I need an agility roll.
[2010-01-13 13:00:55] <add1> 6
[2010-01-13 13:00:58] <Madtrixr> *removal
[2010-01-13 13:01:09] *** EpyonCF (~EpyonCF@static-78-8-146-214.ssp.dialog.net.pl) joined
[2010-01-13 13:01:36] <Madtrixr> I'll re-roll to save the scientist, if it'll make you change her back into a D-cup without chest hair.
[2010-01-13 13:01:50] <Madtrixr> I promise no cheating.
[2010-01-13 13:02:06] <thelaptop|work> o.O
[2010-01-13 13:02:12] <Tavana> Alright, add1, you manage to scramble up the pyramid to the relative saftey of the portal. Sadly, the two RPG loving scientists you tried to carry on your back are jettisoned in your attempt.
[2010-01-13 13:03:16] <Tavana> Alright, you have two options, Madtrixr - attempt to reroll, or attempt to escape. Your call.
[2010-01-13 13:03:50] <Madtrixr> I'll attempt a re-roll, if I fail, I'll leave the scientist behind, and keep the staff.
[2010-01-13 13:04:25] <Madtrixr> Ready?
[2010-01-13 13:04:31] <Tavana> Anytime, Mad.
[2010-01-13 13:04:43] <Madtrixr> Hmm...
[2010-01-13 13:04:45] <Madtrixr> 11
[2010-01-13 13:04:49] <Madtrixr> so?
[2010-01-13 13:04:50] <Tavana> Add1, you're back in the pub you started in. The hooker has regained her normal form.
[2010-01-13 13:05:11] <Tavana> She still appears angry, but in a sexy sort of way.
[2010-01-13 13:05:27] <add1> Knowing that the Sheriff will probably not be too far behind, I go get my things and leave.  The city.
[2010-01-13 13:05:33] <Tavana> Mad, your roll succeeds, the scientist also hides in your pants of holding.
[2010-01-13 13:05:40] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 13:05:50] <add1> It's guybrush
[2010-01-13 13:05:51] <Madtrixr> still has chest hair though, huh?
[2010-01-13 13:06:00] *** Dave-C changed nick to Dave-C|away
[2010-01-13 13:06:07] <Tavana> Nah, you were just mistaken. She's only a C cup.
[2010-01-13 13:06:21] <Tavana> His middle name is Threepwood, add1.
[2010-01-13 13:06:29] <Madtrixr> I can settle for a C with no chest hair.
[2010-01-13 13:06:45] <Tavana> You struggle up the pyramid and to the portal.
[2010-01-13 13:07:04] <Tavana> Add1, the hooker asks if she can go with you. She still needs those herbs, one way or the other.
[2010-01-13 13:08:23] <add1> I tell her no.  I don't need herbs.  I need money.  And that money happens to be upstairs in my wallet.  Which I'll need
[2010-01-13 13:08:32] <add1> to buy hookers and beer from more reputable towns
[2010-01-13 13:08:50] *** Dave-C|away changed nick to Dave-C
[2010-01-13 13:08:55] <Madtrixr> I told you. The mayor's a Yuan-Ti.
[2010-01-13 13:09:01] <add1> Plus my pants are up there too.
[2010-01-13 13:09:08] <Madtrixr> At least, I suspect he is.
[2010-01-13 13:09:10] <add1> I need those.
[2010-01-13 13:09:28] <add1> But I'm a slacker.  I have like five ranks in 'get out of some place crappy now'
[2010-01-13 13:09:37] <add1> so I should be gone by nw :)
[2010-01-13 13:10:12] <Tavana> Alright, add1, in the search for your belongings upstairs you are unable to find your pants. You do find a strapping kilt, though. Dressed (somewhat), you head out.
[2010-01-13 13:10:44] <add1> I wonder where my pants went?
[2010-01-13 13:10:45] <Madtrixr> And me?
[2010-01-13 13:10:45] <Tavana> You also acquired a leather jerkin, and some wonderful artistic pictures of the hooker in question.
[2010-01-13 13:10:55] <add1> I had a banana picker in those
[2010-01-13 13:11:36] <Tavana> Madtrixr, you ascend to find the slacking man gone for good. The mayor isn't very happy though. You are forced to do paperwork for several days straight before you have a rest and are able to remember the tracking rune.
[2010-01-13 13:12:02] <Tavana> You recover your banana picker, add1. Your pants are not to be found, though.
[2010-01-13 13:12:15] <add1> Meanwhile I'm out of this corrupt town, fre of staff, and still loaded with the cash I got from selling my long dead companion's goods.
[2010-01-13 13:12:50] <Madtrixr> Are the girls safe?
[2010-01-13 13:12:56] <add1> After enjoying my happy hedonistic lifestyle I decide it's time to join another hapless band of adventurers, munchkin my way to the top, backstab them at the end, and make off with their stuff
[2010-01-13 13:13:15] <Dave-C> add1: You sound like a certain Thief I know..
[2010-01-13 13:13:31] * Tavana has no idea what Dave is talking about
[2010-01-13 13:13:33] <add1> I go to the bar and look for anyone shifty eyed in a corner.  That's the universal call for group you see.
[2010-01-13 13:13:41] <add1> yeah, neither do I
[2010-01-13 13:13:58] <Tavana> Yes. The staff is safe, but still married to add1. Also, she polymorphed the scientist into a staff. They get it on your pants.
[2010-01-13 13:14:02] <Tavana> *on in
[2010-01-13 13:14:27] <Madtrixr> Well, that's technically the next best thing.
[2010-01-13 13:14:39] <Dave-C> 8-Bit Theater reference. There's a guy clled Thief, and tha's all he really does.
[2010-01-13 13:14:43] <Madtrixr> Now I need to find a good polymorph spell.
[2010-01-13 13:15:09] *** add2 (~User@ip46.net253.mw.net) joined
[2010-01-13 13:15:27] * add2 kicks old self
[2010-01-13 13:15:51] <add2> Say, did any of those scientists in the human pyramid make it out okay?
[2010-01-13 13:16:07] <Tavana> Funny you might mention that.
[2010-01-13 13:16:23] <Tavana> Turns out the cavern wasn't collapsing. It was imploding.
[2010-01-13 13:16:41] <Tavana> And several scientists got shoved through the portal.
[2010-01-13 13:16:45] <add2> Unless you're in a vacuum I would think that's pretty much the same thing
[2010-01-13 13:17:02] <Tavana> It's more the direction of it happening.
[2010-01-13 13:17:21] <Tavana> As opposed to stuff dropping down by gravity, stuff got sucked in by...implosionary forces.
[2010-01-13 13:17:39] <add2> Great.  A black hole spontaneously formed in the cavern :)
[2010-01-13 13:17:45] <add2> I thought nature abhored a vacuum...
[2010-01-13 13:18:10] <Tavana> Nature only hates one that it didn't make.
[2010-01-13 13:18:22] <Tavana> Nature's law: Thou shalt not make a vacuum in my image.
[2010-01-13 13:18:25] <Tavana> Or something like that.
[2010-01-13 13:18:51] <Tavana> So, yes, three naked females did happen to appear in the pub one day, amidst a slew of body parts being shoved into the portal. The pub owner was quite pleased, besides having to clean up the mess.
[2010-01-13 13:19:03] <add2> Slew of body parts?
[2010-01-13 13:19:20] <Tavana> Yes. People getting shoved partway through the portal.
[2010-01-13 13:19:26] <Tavana> A toe here, an arm there.
[2010-01-13 13:19:41] *** add1 quit (Ping timeout)
[2010-01-13 13:19:57] <add2> It's a stargate?
[2010-01-13 13:20:02] <Tavana> add1(2) you gain 500 exp for getting out alive, and another 250 for avoiding the obvious quest put in front of you.
[2010-01-13 13:20:24] <add2> Next stop I'm guessing is The Railroad :)
[2010-01-13 13:20:25] <Tavana> Madtrixr, you gain two female staves in your pants. That's experience enough.
[2010-01-13 13:20:34] <Madtrixr> Hells yeah.
[2010-01-13 13:20:36] <Tavana> Oh, wait. +50exp for doing that paperwork.
[2010-01-13 13:20:44] <Madtrixr> Yay.
[2010-01-13 13:21:36] <Madtrixr> Two female staves...that's reward enough once I find a polymorph.
[2010-01-13 13:21:37] * Tavana has to plan out the next adventure now
[2010-01-13 13:22:02] <add2> Wait, there was a PLAN?
[2010-01-13 13:22:13] <add2> I thought we were helping you practice improv...
[2010-01-13 13:22:22] <Tavana> Yeah, I have to have a plan so you can blatantly ignore it.
[2010-01-13 13:22:34] <Madtrixr> :D
[2010-01-13 13:22:36] <add2> Oh.  Okay, as long as there's some structure to this.
[2010-01-13 13:22:43] * add2 bites
[2010-01-13 13:22:53] <add2> What was your original plot hook gonna result in...

See? This is the greatness that goes on in IRC.