I have a Python script that works on most things that have Python but it is mostly for my consumption than anything else.
If you'd like to have it, PM me and I'll get a copy to you. It is unlikely to be as clean as what Simon-v has though. ;-)
...Clean? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
It's a pure, undiluted, 100% hack!
It uses shell scripting instead of Python due to two reasons: it requires less libraries, and it was made with the intention of being "simple", at the expense of being portable.
(I'd still like to see it, though.)
Anything like that script for those of us using bill gates' pile of $%#& OS?
You have several options, differing in severity factor.
1) Try asking Malek for a Windows shell port. I doubt he will want to do it, though: he said scripting for Windows is (figuratively) made of bricks and sandpaper. Or, find someone else who can do it and make him do it. Somehow.
2) Install cygwin, which, I hear, is a port of the UNIX shell for Windows. It could take some time getting used to.
2.5) Install Python and try thelaptop's variant. Hack it apart if you don't like how it works.
3) Get rid of your "pile of $%#& OS" as you call it, and install, say, Ubuntu, which is known in the Linux community under the mocking name "I Can't Believe It's Not Windows". It still isn't, though, and WILL take some time getting used to.
4) Pay or threaten Kornel into implementing the functionality in DoomRL.