So as mentioned on IRC I dug up loltastic take on Starcraft 1 history. Since it was wee bit too long to paste into IRC I'm posting it here, and since we didn't have a general humor thread I'm making one.
Disclaimer: Stuff below is (obviously) not of my making. I just dug it up on internet somwhere (gamefaqs I think) and saved it. Enjoy.
Xel'Naga: Hey! Lookat this!
Early Protoss: Ug. Protoss hunt.
Xel'Naga: Nifty! GENETIC ENGINEERING!
Early Protoss: ftw h4x
*evolves*
Protoss: My psi! She is stronger!
Xel'Naga: Wassaaaap?
Protoss: Wassaaaaaaap?
Xel'Naga: WORSHIP US FOR WE ARE YOUR GODS!
Protoss: k
Xel'Naga: Good, good. MORE GENETIC ENGINEERING!
*much later*
Protoss: Dude, we want to LEARN and stuff!
Xel'Naga: Okay
Protoss: That entails us tribes going our seperate ways. Hope that's okay.
Xel'Naga: Blast. Well, back to the drawing board.
Protoss: YOU'RE LEAVING!?
Xel'Naga: Ya.
Protoss: NNNOOOOOOO!
*they attack*
Xel'Naga: RUN AWAY!
*they do*
Protoss 1: Now what?
Protoss 2: CIVIL WAR OMG
*Aeon of Strife*
Khas: Ooh, a shiny khaydarin crystal! *poke*
Protoss: CIVIL WAR OMG
Khas: My psi! I have recovered it! Gather unto me, followers!
KHALAI ASSEMBLE!
*they do*
Khas: End the civil war!
*they do*
*Second Age*
Protoss: We must establish a caste system!
Templar: TEMPLAR! WARRIORS AND PROTECTORS!
Judicators: JUDICATOR! ADMINISTRATORS AND GOVERNORS!
Khalai: KHALAI! SCHOLARS AND LABOURERS!
Templar: Man, you guys got the shaft.
Judicators: lol
Khalai: ._.
Judicators: We must safeguard the lesser races!
Templar: k
*they do*
Rogue tribes: This Khala **** sucks.
Conclave: Blast! Adun, go talk some sense into them.
Adun: If by "talk some sense into them" you mean "teach them how to harness their latent and extremely dangerous psionic powers", then it shall be done!
*he does*
Rogue tribes: W00t we have teh 1337 psi!
Conclave: wtf h4x
Adun: >_>
Conclave: ADUN! You gave them psi powers!
Adun: <_<
Conclave: The rogue tribes shall henceforth be known as the Dark Templar....
Dark Templar: Our name kicks ass. ^_^
Conclave: ...and be banished from Aiur forever.
Dark Templar: Drat.
*much later*
Protoss: Hey lookie!
Terrans: Stupid warp drive...stupid Earth.
*they colonize the Koprulu sector*
Conclave: Tassadar, go check it out.
Tassadar: Righty. Hey, what's this?
*finds living probe*
Tassadar: Neat. Let's bring it back for study!
*they do*
Probe: Find humanity. Kill em. Evolve an stuff.
Tassadar: o.O
Conclave: They must be hostile aliens come to kill us all!
Tassadar: You think maybe?
Conclave: Made by the Xel'Naga!
Protoss: O.O
Conclave: Send scouts!
Tassadar: We should protect the Terrans.
Conclave: Nah. Just burn 'em if they're infected.
Tassadar: But-
Conclave: DO IT N00B!
Tassadar: -_-
Scouts: INCOMING!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Terrans: SNAP!
*Zerg infest Chau Sara*
Conclave: Burn 'em!
Tassadar: But-
Conclave: I SAID BURN 'EM!
Tassadar: ._.
*he does*
Terrans: They attacked us! Quick, intercept!
*Zerg infest Mar Sara*
Conclave: Burn 'em!
Tassadar: No.
Conclave: O.O
Xel'Naga: Well, we sure screwed up with the Protoss, didn't we? Hey, look!
*they find the early Zerg*
Xel'Naga: Let's give them crazy possessing abilities! GENETIC ENGINEERING!
*Zerg evolve*
Xel'Naga: Cool!
*Zerg eradicate "inferior" races*
Xel'Naga: Whoah! They can steer the evolution of their hosts!
*hosts mutate into scary-looking beats*
Xel'Naga: Neato.
Xel'Naga: Hey, wait a sec. The Protoss rebelled against us! We should make sure the Zerg don't do the same.
*they create the Overmind*
Overmind: y helo thar
*Overmind creates Cerebrates*
Cerebrates: sup d00ds
*Zerg spread rapidly across Zerus*
Overmind: Wow. We kick ass.
Cerebrates: <g>
Overmind: We're going to need to leave Zerus soon...oh! Look!
Giant space creatures: ^_^
Overmind: If we assimilate them, we can expand through space! TO ME MY GIANT SPACE CREATURES!
Giant space creatures: Must...obey...
*Giant space creatures are assimilated*
Overmind: ^_^
Xel'Naga: We rock. ^_^
*Zerg expand into space*
Overmind: wtf giant spaceships above Zerus
Xel'Naga: Ack! The Overmind severed its psychic link with us, effectively hiding it from our sight! H4X!
Overmind: Attack!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Xel'Naga: NNNOOOOOOOOO!
*Xel'Naga are wiped out*
Overmind: gg no re
*Overmind learns of the Protoss*
Overmind: MUST ASSIMILATE! TO THE SKIES MY MINIONS!
*the Swarm leaves Zerus*
*much time passes*
Overmind: Protoss are psionic. We need psi to counter them!
Probes: Check it out!
*probes discover Terrans*
Probes: They have latent psionic powers, too.
Overmind: Oh, that's handy. ASSIMILATE THEM!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE
*Zerg infest Chau Sara*
Tassadar: Have at you!
*Protoss fleet burns Chau Sara*
Overmind: WTF RE
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE
*Zerg infest Mar Sara*
Humanity: lol technological advance
*crazy mutations and cybernetic enhancements*
Humanity: Err...
Corporate sector: We shall capitalize on this!
Humanist factions: Hell no!
*civil war*
Media: Let's watch!
*irresponsible media coverage*
Humanity: Noes!
*international pandemonium*
United Nations: We should do something!
*United Powers League is founded*
UPL: We shall restore order!
*they do*
UPL: We shall unify mankind!
*religions are banned, English designated the official language*
UPL: We shall CLEANSE HUMANITY!
Humanity: Ulp...
*Great Purification*
*400 million people apprehended and executed*
Humanity: wtf teamkillers?
UPL Media: Nothing going on here, just move right along...
Humanity: k
UPL: Gogo space exploration!
*founds colonies in the Terran star system*
Doran Routhe: Further!
*Warp drive and cryogenic hibernation developed*
Routhe: We must colonize beyond our star system!
UPL: Here, take these prisoners and dissidents and use them as colonists.
Routhe: ...are you sure that's wise?
UPL: Worked for the British Empire, didn't it?
Routhe: Okay, sure. I'll name one supercarrier after that ship in Greek mythology, another after a US President, and the remaining two shall be made-up names.
*Argo, Reagan, Sarengo, Nagglfar are commissioned*
Routhe: Install some sort of guidance on the one.
*ATLAS is installed on Nagglfar*
Routhe: Now set course for Gantris IV!
Technicians: Should we put ATLAS on the other three, too?
Routhe: Nah, just program them all to follow the Naggy.
Technicians: But what if ATLAS screws up?
Routhe: Don't be silly. ATLAS won't screw up.
*ATLAS screws up*
ATLAS: ...****. Which way was Gantris IV? Damnit. Okay...oh, darn, I've forgotten where Earth was, too. We'll just blunder blindly along for a while, then...
*they do*
Warp drives: I'M MELTING! MEEEELLLLTTIIINNNGGGG!
*critical meltdown, fleet emerges from warp space*
Sarengo: WE'RE GOIN' DOWN!
*crashlands and kills all passengers*
Reagan: LOOKOUT BELOW!
*makes controlled descent*
Argo: AAIIEEEE!
*lands on Moria*
Nagglfar: Wheeeee!
*lands on Tarsonis*
All passengers: What the hell happened?
Reagan passengers: Damnit! The memory banks are erased!
Argo passengers: Damnit! The memory banks are erased!
Sarengo passengers: *dead*
Nagglfar passengers: Let's see here...where are we?
ATLAS: >_>
Passengers: ...you got us lost?
ATLAS: <_<
Passengers: ATLAS U NUB
ATLAS: ._.
Tarsonis: We must develop intra-system travel!
*they do*
Tarsonis: Wassaaaap?
Umoja: Wassaaaaaaaappp!?
Moria: WAAAASSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!?!?!?!?
Tarsonis: We should all join together in a conglomerated government.
Umoja: Nah.
Moria: No thanks.
Tarsonis: -_-'
*Tarsonis develops powerful military*
Tarsonis: lol Terran Confederacy
Moria: They have a big military! We can't allow the Confederacy to push us around and steal our lucrative mining!
*Kel-Morian Combine is formed*
Confederacy: The tensions, they be risin...
Combine: True dat.
*The Guild Wars*
Confed: Okay, peacetalks.
Combine: No arguments here.
Confed: We should stop fighting.
Combine: No arguments here.
Confed: We'll let you guys keep your autonomy.
Combine: No arguments here.
Confed: We'll also annex most of your mining operations.
Combine: No argu - wait, annex the what-now?
Umoja: Screw that.
*founds Umojan Protectorate*
Confeds: Rampant expansionism! Claim more worlds!
*they do*
Confeds: I hope no pirate and radical militia organizations pop up.
*they do*
Confeds: Drat.
Korhal: We don't like associating ourselves with those increasingly corrupt Confederates.
*they rebel*
Confeds: Can't allow that. CRUSH THE REBELLION!
Angus Mengsk: OPEN WAR ON THE CONFEDERATION!
Confeds: O RLY?
Mengsk: YA RLY!
Confeds: NO WAI!
*they send assassins*
Mengsk: OMG ASSASSINS!
*dies*
Confeds: rofl
Arcturus Mengsk: You bastards! You killed my family!
*rounds up a ragtag army*
Mengsk: TO BATTLE!
*they harass the Confeds*
Confeds: Harass this!
*NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED*
Korhal: x_x
Mengsk: ;_;
*founds Sons of Korhal*
*some years later*
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Confeds: wtf?
Protoss: Take this!
*Protoss burn Chau Sara*
Confeds: To arms, Terrans! ATTACK!
*they do*
Protoss: Carriers = Instant Win!
*shrugs off attack(instantly)*
Tassadar: Wait a tick...
*withdraws*
Confeds: *phew* That was a close ca-
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE
*Zerg infest Mar Sara*
Confeds: >_<
Adjutant: Y helo thar...
Magistrate: LUE is that way --->
Adjutant: Equipment demonstration!
Magistrate: ^_^
Adjutant: ...cuz you're a n00b.
Magistrate: ;_;
Duke: Okay, Mar Sara's quarantined. Move your colonists.
Magistrate: ...ass...
Raynor: Howdy fellas.
Adjutant: We should set up a base. 10 marines ought to be enough to hold off these legions of aliens.
Magistrate: ...
Backwater Station: HELP!
Duke: Don't get involved. We'll deal with it.
Raynor: Lies!
Magistrate: A house of them!
Duke: I said don't get involved!
*they do*
Raynor: OMG AN INFESTED COMMAND CENTER!
*destroys*
Duke: You willfully destroyed Confederate property!
Raynor: ...it said "Infested Terran Command Center"...
Duke: Arrest him!
*Raynor is arrested*
Magistrate: Huh. The Confeds sure suck at this "defense" thing.
Arcturus Mengsk: I can help.
Magistrate: O RLY?
Mengsk: YA RLY
Magistrate: What's the catch?
Mengsk: You have to join my rebel organization and become my pawns.
Magistrate: k
Confeds: Some Magistrate you are. SUSPEND'D
Magistrate: Pfft...
Raynor: I am free! FREE!
Mengsk: Send your colonial militia to go raid a top-security Confederate installation.
*they do*
Raynor: Ooh, shiny weapon schematics!
Mengsk: gj
Raynor: ^_^
Mengsk: Now go meet up with Kerrigan and free Antiga Prime.
Raynor: Y helo thar... ^_^
*Raynor's thoughts: (>^(>^_^)>*
Kerrigan: -_-'
Raynor: >_>
Kerrigan: We should kill the Confederate leader guy in that command center.
*she does*
Antigans: W00t w00t!
Raynor: Join us!
Antigans: k
*they do*
Mengsk: Destroy the Confed outpost!
*they do*
Norad II: AAAIIIEEEE LOOKOUT BELOW!! O.O
*crash*
Mengsk: Go rescue them.
Raynor: WTF
Mengsk: Go rescue them!
Raynor: But they're Confeds!
Mengsk: GO RESCUE THEM!
*they do*
Duke: Gee, thanks. Guess I'll switch sides now.
Confeds: PREPARE TO ATTACK AHAHAHAHA!
Mengsk: Here, use this psi emitter.
Kerrigan: What's it do?
Mengsk: Lures the Zerg.
Kerrigan: >_>
*she does*
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE
*Confeds are crushed*
Mengsk: Now to strike the finishing blow...
Duke: There's these three bigass platforms in orbit. If we attack one, we can sneak a strike force through?
Mengsk: What about the other two?
Duke: stfu n00b
*they attack the platform*
Confeds: See that base over there near the bottom edge of the platform? Let's conveniently place some useful addons there and leave them abandonded.
*they do*
Duke: Score!
*Confeds are crushed*
Mengsk: Bahahahaha...
*Sons of Korhal place psi emitter on Tarsonis*
Mengsk: Why are you all looking at me funny? We're just slaughtering innocents.
Mengsk: The Protoss are descending on Tarsonis! Kerrigan, go take 'em out!
Kerrigan: k
Protoss: Lookie! Terrans!
Terrans: DIE!
*they do*
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Mengsk: Pull out!
Kerrigan: Okay!
Mengsk: Not you!
Kerrigan: ._.
*Terrans are overrun*
Raynor: My heart, she's a-broke.
Raynor: Screw this, I be leavin'.
Mengsk: I will DESTROY you.
Raynor: stfu
Mengsk: DESTROY! WITH MY ION CANNON!
Raynor: Gee, it'd sure be bad if that Ion Cannon were destroyed...
*it is*
Raynor: Toodles!
Cerebrate: THE LIGHT! IT BURNS! IT BURRRRNNNSSS!
Overmind: stfu n00b
Cerebrate: ._.
Overmind: Watch over the Chrysalis. That's your job.
Cerebrate: k
Zasz: Kill those terrans.
*they do*
Overmind: The Chrysalis is intact. Good. You're strong enough for warp travel now, so let's get a move on. TO CHAR!
Cerebrate: Are we there yet?
Overmind: No.
Cerebrate: Are we there yet?
Overmind: No.
Cerebrate: Are we there yet?
Overmind: No.
Cerebrate: Are we there yet?
Overmind: STFU
Daggoth: Here, occupy yourself with these Protoss.
Cerebrate: Ehehehe, this is fun! GO MY MINIONS!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Overmind: Check out the visions eminating from the Chrysalis.
Cerebrate: ...whoah.
Overmind: Cool, huh?
Zasz: The crazy visions have lured our enemies!
Daggoth: Take 'em out.
*they do*
Duke: RUN AWAY!
Daggoth: Let 'em go. I'll take care of them...
*he does*
*crazy vision cinematic*
Zasz: More enemies!
Overmind: Deal with it. Pshaw.
*they do*
Overmind: The Chrysalis is almost ready to hatch. Mwahahahahaha...
Raynor: Okay d00ds, stay frosty...
Raynor's Raiders: Uh...sir? We're on Char.
Raynor: -_-'
Zasz: THE CHRYSALIS IS OPENING OMG
Overmind: Arise, my daughter. Arise...Kerrigan.
All: WTF H4X
Kerrigan: Obey!
Raynor: Sara?
Kerrigan: Thassright nub.
Raynor: So...you gonna kill me or what?
Kerrigan: Nah.
Raynor: How about dinner?
Kerrigan: Leave.
Kerrigan: Well, thanks for watching over me.
Cerebrate: No problem.
Kerrigan: I need to board a science vessel so I can undo the crazy Ghost conditioning and uber-up my psi powers.
Zasz: REMEMBER YOUR PLACE SERVANT!
Kerrigan: Sod off.
Overmind: Aw, ain't she a dear?
Daggoth: Here's a few Hunter Killers.
Science vessel crew: OMG ZERG!
Kerrigan: AHAHAHAHA!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Kerrigan: w00t records
Kerrigan: PROTOSS OMG
Cerebrate: Where!?
Kerrigan: They've been here some time. Hiding.
Cerebrate: INVISIBLE HAX OMG
Tassadar: Oh hey, it's you. The Terran. Too bad you're ZERG SCUM NOW.
Kerrigan: h8u
Tassadar: 1v1 nub
Kerrigan: k
Tassadar: gl
Kerrigan: hf
*Tassadar vanishes*
Kerrigan: OMG HALLUCINATION
Tassadar: gg no re
Daggoth: Zasz is dead!
Kerrigan: You twit, he'll be reincarnated.
Daggoth: No, he's ACTUALLY dead.
Kerrigan: Damnit! Tassadar was a diversion!
Daggoth: You got owned in the face.
Cerebrate: Guess someone's going to have take out Zasz's rampaging brood.
Daggoth: >_>
Kerrigan: <_<
Cerebrate: ...I hate you guys.
Overmind: Okay, I'm better now. Damned Dark Templar.
Daggoth: Now what?
Overmind: When the one guy killed Zasz, his mind touched mine.
Cerebrate: That sounds...
Overmind: Get your mind outta the gutter!
Cerebrate: ._.
Overmind: I now know where Aiur is!
Daggoth: But first, we must eradicate the Dark Templar!
Kerrigan: *yawn*...boring.
Zeratul: You'd be wise to BACK OFF. *****.
Kerrigan: STFU
*Kerrigan pwns the Dark Templar base*
Kerrigan: I'll stay behind and hunt them down...
Overmind: TO AIUR!
Overmind: Hehehe...soon we'll assimilate the Protoss. I can't wait. (>^_^<) Anyway, go get me some Khaydarin crystals.
Cerebrate: Didn't know you were into that new-age crap.
Overmind: -_-
Overmind: Okay, step two. See that temple over there?
Cerebrate: The one that's built on the spot where the Xel'Naga first set foot on Aiur?
Overmind: Yeah. Burn it to the ground.
Cerebrate: ...what?
Overmind: And then place the crystal there.
Cerebrate: ...wtf.
Overmind: AND THEN I SHALL BE MANIFEST AHAHAHAHA!
Cerebrate: Why would you want do take a physical form?
Overmind: Uh...
Cerebrate: I mean, right now you're a bodiless entity. If you took physical form, wouldn't that just make you easier to destroy?
Overmind: RAZE THE DAMN TEMPLE!
*they do*
Aldaris: Sup nub
Executor: Hi
Aldaris: I'm Aldaris, your super-conservative Judicator advisor.
Executor: Nice to meet you
Aldaris: You know, your predecessor Tassadar was a DISOBEDIANT LITTLE SNOT
Executor: ...
Aldaris: Anyway, go secure Antioch.
*he does*
Fenix: Executor!
Executor: Fenix!
Fenix: Wassap buddy?
Executor: Oh, not a lot. Got promoted to Executor. You?
Fenix: You're lookin' at Praetor Fenix, my friend
Executor: Is that anything like the Roman office of Praetor?
Fenix: The super-high-up executive position? Apparently not since I'm still a basic melee unit.
Aldaris: Congrats on not being incompetent...
Executor: Thanks...?
Aldaris: ...unlike that INSUBORDINATE SCUMBUCKET TASSADAR!
Tassadar: HEY! I heard that!
Aldaris: TASSADAR OMG WHERE'VE U BEEN?
Tassadar: Chillin' like a villain.
Executor: Uh-
Tassadar: Well, not really. Not at all, in fact, since I've been on Char.
*pause*
Tassadar: It's a joke you idiots. Char is a ball of molten rock.
*It should be noted that the Protoss are not known for their sense of humor*
Tassadar: Anyway, I've been hangin' with this guy Zeratul-
Aldaris: A DARK TEMPLAR OMFG
Tassadar: STFU
Aldaris: ._.
Executor: Do go on.
Tassadar: Anyway, he says that if you kill the Cerebrates, the broods will fall.
Fenix: Worth a shot!
*Fenix kills a Cerebrate*
Cerebrate: AHAHA FOOL I AM REBORN
Fenix: H4X
Aldaris: That's what you get for trusting a SPARTAN DOG LIKE TASSADAR!
Executor: ...right.
Aldaris: Let's go about this the old-fashioned way: HEAD-ON ASSAULT!
Executor: ...Protoss rush?
Fenix: Kekekekeke!
Aldaris: TO SCION!
Fenix: I'll just stay here then.
Fenix: Hmm. Nice day.
Hyrdalisk: HSSSSSS
Fenix: Aah! A Zerg!
*Fenix manifests his psiblades*
Fenix: En guarde!
*Psiblades fizzle*
Fenix: ...snap.
Hydralisk: SSSRRRAAAAAAA!
Fenix: "Keep going and going" my ass. Stupid bunny...
Aldaris: Shame about Fenix.
Executor: ...
Aldaris: Well, he died a warrior's death.
Executor: True dat.
Aldaris: Well now it's time to look to greater threats, specifically that BLASPHEMING SONOFA***** TASSADAR.
Executor: Could you remind me again why one rogue Templar is a greater threat than a full-scale invasion of the Homeworld?
Aldaris: Because I said so.
Executor: Right. Anyhow, you were saying?
Aldaris: We need to hunt him down and bring him to justice. TO THE GANTRITHOR!
Executor: Holy hereric, Batman!
*theme music*
*later, in orbit of Char*
Tassadar: Aldaris? Executor? MY HEROES!
Aldaris: We've come to arrest you. HERETIC.
Executor: >_>
Raynor: You know I was arrested once, too.
Aldaris: A...human?
Raynor: Back off, buddy. I won't be talked down to by ANYBODY.
(Exception: Sara Kerrigan, Queen of Blades)
Aldaris: Amusing. Take them away, boys.
Tassadar: Wait! Executor, you must help me find Zeratul! They can take down the Overmind!
Aldaris: Side with the Dark Ones? NO WAI!
Executor: Sure.
Aldaris: !!!
Aldaris: This is folly, you know, Executor. Turn back now and the Conclave might spare your blasphemous ass.
Tassadar: Just ignore him and ge'll go away.
Aldaris: h8u
Tassadar: The energies wielded by the Dark Templar are the same as used by the Overmind and his minions. ONLY THEY CAN TRULY DEFEAT THE ZERG!
Executor: So what's the plan then? Find the Dark Templar and return them to Aiur?
Tassadar: Ding ding.
Tassadar: He's here somewhere...
Executor: How can you tell? Dark Templar are permacloaked.
Tassadar: ...
Executor: That's what I thought.
Tassadar: Hey Zeratul! I'm back, and I've come to take you home!
Zeratul: As cool as that is, I doubt the Conclave would welcome us.
Tassadar: Welcome shmelcome. THE HOMEWORLD IS UNDER ATTACK AND WE NEED YOUR HELP!
Zeratul: ZOUNDS!
*back on Aiur*
Fenix: Executor! Nice to see you again!
Tassadar: FENIX! But...you were...
Fenix: Killed and then placed in a Dragoon shell? Yeah, that's right.
Tassadar: I'm shocked.
Fenix: What? That's how Dragoons are made, silly.
Executor: Yeah, guess we should have seen that coming.
Tassadar: ._.
Fenix: Don't be sad! I can still KICK SOME ZERG ASS! Anyway, you've both been branded traitors.
Executor: Fun for us.
Fenix: The Conclave wants to arrest you all and execute the Dark Templar.
Tassadar: The fools! Well, we gotta protect the Dark Templar.
Fenix: You know what this means...
Executor: CIVIL WAR OMG
Aldaris: TASSADAR! CEASE YOUR RESISTANCE AND SURRENDER TO THE CONCLAVE! We will then DEAL WITH THE DARK TEMPLAR!
Tassadar: Shove it.
*Forces of the Conclave and the Executor duke it out*
Tassadar: NNOO! This madness must END! I surrender. ._.
Aldaris: gg no re
Fenix: Well, there goes THAT plan. Tassadar's been arrested, and the Dark Templar have vanished.
Executor: Guess we can't defeat the Overmind now, huh?
Raynor: Howdy fellas. I wanna help Tassadar.
Fenix: Sounds like a plan.
*Executor's forces assault the detention facility*
Fenix: There! That's Tassadar's stasis cell! FREE HIM!
*they do*
Aldaris: Hah! I expected this. Prepare to die!
Zeratul: Not so fast!
Aldaris: SNEAK ATTACK OMFG
Zeratul: Back off.
Aldaris: I will not be addressed by the likes of YOU!
Zeratul: You're a moron.
Aldaris: NO U
Zeratul: Buzz off.
Tassadar: You released me! ^_^
Executor: T'was nothing.
Tassadar: Zeratul, maybe we ought to tell these guys what we know about the Zerg.
Zeratul: The Zerg were created by the Xel'Naga.
All: GASP!
Zeratul: And the Overmind's come here to try and finish their experiments. It wants to assimilate us. And then everything else.
All: GASP!
Tassadar: See? We gotta win.
Fenix: Okay, here's the plan: We'll engage the main Zerg force while Zeratul slips in and cuts up a few Cerebrates.
Zeratul: What, just me? What about my bretheren?
Tassadar: We can't find them ANYWHERE.
Zeratul: Bastards. <_<
*Zeratul kills a few Cerebrates*
Fenix: Haha, it worked! The broods are helpless!
Tassadar: Well guys...this is it. The final showdown.
*tumbleweed*
Tassadar: We may not all survive this battle. But we're sure as hell gonna win it!
All: YAY!
Raynor: Guess I have to see this through to the end.
Aldaris: Um...Executor, Tassadar...*cough*...Zeratul...
Tassadar: Yes?
Aldaris: Well, we uh, we...um...
Tassadar: Go on.
Aldaris: The Conclave...uh...
Tassadar: Spit it out!
Aldaris: We're sorry!
Tassadar: ^_^
Aldaris: You were right all along, and we shouldn't have tried to punish you.
Raynor: So are you sendin' reinforcements?
Aldaris: Bye!
Raynor: -_-
*Combined forces beat the crap outta the Zerg*
Tassadar: It's the Overmind! Attack it!
*they do*
Tassadar: Blast! The Gantrithor's been hit! She's going down!
Executor: No!
Overmind: Aah! Damn, that hurts.
Tassadar: Yoo-hoo!
Overmind: !!
Tassadar: Hey Overmind!
Overmind: Haha, your command ship is going to crash.
Tassadar: Oh, not just crash.
*Tassadar channels Dark Templar energies*
Overmind: ...huh?
Tassadar: KAMAKAZIE!
*smash*
Overmind: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*implode*
Aldaris: Well...Conclave's dead. Guess that means we're the de facto leaders of Aiur.
Zeratul: Guess so.
Artanis: Kind of ironic, hey? A Judicator and a Dark Templar?
All: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
Artanis: Oh. I'm Artanis. Duh. En Taro Tassadar.
Zeratul: Typo, nub. That's En Taro Adun.
Artanis: Nu-uh. Tassadar = my hero. <3
Aldaris: >_>
Zeratul: We should evacuate Aiur...
Aldaris: k
Zeratul: ...to the Dark Templar homeworld of Shakuras.
Aldaris: WTF The Dark Templar aren't going to just welcome us with open arms.
Zeratul: You'll find we're not quite as closed-minded and predjudiced as JUDICATOR SCUM.
Aldaris: ._.
Executor: That's all well and good...but how the hell are we going to get there?
Zeratul: We'll use the warp gate.
Executor: What warp gate?
Zeratul: The warp gate that connects Shakuras with Aiur.
Executor: ...why is there a warp gate leading to the homeworld of a band of outcasts that the Conclave has until very recently despised?
Zeratul: ...
Executor: And if there's been a warp gate there all along, why the hell did Tassadar have to go hunt you down in the Protoss campaign?
Zeratul: stfu nub
*they reactivate the warp gate*
Fenix: I'll stay here and valiantly defend the gate!
Raynor: Me too!
*they do*
Artanis: Let's set up a colony...here.
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKE
Artanis: WTF YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO GUARD THE WARP GATE AND PREVENT THE ZERG FROM GETTING THROUGH!
Fenix and Raynor: ._.
*they recapture the warp gate and shut it down*
Dark Templar: TO THE RESCUE!
*they save the colony*
Raszagal: ZERATUL!
Zeratul: RAZZY!
Raszagal: Glad to have you back. Who're these n00bs?
Aldaris: We're the guys who've been descriminating against you for a few thousand years.
Raszagal: Oh, right, you guys. How's things?
Executor: Good, good. Except the Homeworld was invaded by creepy aliens who've followed us here.
Raszagal: ...
Executor: ...sorry about that.
Raszagal: Well, no problem. We'll just use that fancy Xel'Naga temple to repel the Zerg.
Executor: How's it work?
Raszagal: You need two special Khaydarin crystals.
Executor: Well, go get 'em.
Raszagal: ...er...we lost them.
Executor: >_>
Zeratul: Before we go crystal hunting, we need to kill those two Cerebrates near the temple.
*they do*
Zeratul: OMG AN OVERLORD
Overlord: >_>;;
Kerrigan: Sup y'all. I need to speak with your Matriarch.
Aldaris: But-
Raszagal: 'k
Aldaris: WTF
Kerrigan: So the Overmind's dead.
Artanis: We know.
Kerrigan: Whatever influence it had over me is gone. But Daggoth and a bunch of other Cerebrates are trying to create a new Overmind. That'd be bad, 'cause it could control me again.
Aldaris: Queen of Blades...
Kerrigan: ...yeah?
Aldaris: YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!
*storms out*
Zeratul: Er...anyway, we'll help you kill the new Overmind if you help us find these two crystals.
Kerrigan: Deal.
Zeratul: TO BRAXIS!
*Braxis*
Kerrigan: So why'd you give the crystal to these WACKY TERRANS?
Zeratul: We didn't. This used to be a Protoss colony waaaaaay back, and the Terrans moved here recently.
Artanis: OMFG THE WARP MATRIX IS DAMAGED
Executor: Meaning...what exactly?
Artanis: We can't warp in Carriers.
Executor: No instant win!?
Artanis: No instant win.
Executor: Damnit.
*they defeat the Terrans the old fashioned way and recover the Uraj*
Stukov: Not so fast, you Protoss scallywags!
Executor: ...who the hell are you?
Stukov: I am Vice Admiral Alexi Stukov of the United Earth Directorate, and I have a heavy Russian accent. I am also blockading your retreat.
Executor: That'll never do...Artanis! Break the blockade!
Artanis: In UED Russia, blockade breaks YOU!
Stukov: I HEARD THAT!
*Artanis breaks through*
Zeratul: How coincidental that the Khalis crystal is on Char within spitting distance of the new Overmind.
Blizzard level designers: >_>
Executor: Also ironic that the Dark Templar crystal is named after the guy who came up with the Khala.
Kerrigan: So is this one of those wacky "chose one path of two" missions?
Zeratul: Well...no. Both paths have the same outcome.
Kerrigan: Lame. Remind me not to do that in my campaign.
Artanis: So, Executor...the purely superficial choice is up to you.
Executor: ASSAULT THE OVERMIND WITH CARRIERS!
*builds a carrier*
Carrier: INSTANT WIN
*win*
Artanis: We're back!
Raszagal: Aldaris led a revolt and attacked us! Go kill him!
Executor: 'k
Zeratul: ...something's up.
*Raszagal leaves*
Zeratul: This ain't like her. The Matriarch has always been kind an' stuff.
Kerrigan: <_<
Artanis: OMG they're gonna use Archons!
Zeratul: Ah, but we have Dark Archons! We've outlawed their creation for a long time, which implies that they're really superpowerful, but in actual fact they're only mediocre. But they're still good!
Artanis: And they look cool.
Dark Archon: True dat.
*Aldaris is surrounded*
Aldaris: Wait, lemmie explain! Kerrigan is somehow influencing Raszagal's mind, and-
Kerrigan: Aha!
Aldaris: *dies*
Zeratul: HEY! You've been meddling this whole time! Begone!
Kerrigan: Okay, now that I've USED YOU ALL LIKE PUPPETS AHAHAHAHAHA!
Raszagal: Now retake the temple and use the crystals!
Artanis: Appropriately, I, a Templar, will carry Uraj.
Zeratul: And I, a Dark Templar, will carry Khalis.
Executor: ...you guys suck.
*Zeratul and Artanis activate the temple*
Zeratul: Okay, this thing goes...here?
Artanis: No, damnit, like this! *inserts crystal*
Zeratul: Like...?
Artanis: You're useless.
Zeratul: This new-fangled technology confuses and frightens me. Here, youngin', you do it.
Artanis: Bah. *inserts crystal*
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEK-
*a'splosion*
DuGalle: Are you prepared to go all the way with this, Alexi?
Alexi: >_>
Adjutant: Get the hell up, you!
Captain: ...ugh...
DuGalle: *big inspirational speech*
Captain: *yawn*
Stukov: Establish a ground base on Braxis. And hand the Confederates their asses while you're at it.
Captain: 'k
Marine: DERES NO GAS AT THIS BASE WTF
Captain: Adjutant u n00b!
Adjutant: ._.
Duran: I've got some gas...
Captain: o.0
Duran: Also intimate knowledge of important stuff like Confederate defenses. Anyway, my teammates are nubs, so can I switch sides?
Captain: ...uh...sure.
Confeds: OMG BACKSTABBER!
DuGalle: Now we need to bolster our fleet. To the Dylarian shipyards!
Duran: Mengsk can usually reenforce his border colonies within twelve hours.
DuGalle: YOU WILL SHOW THE PROPER RESPECT YOU YOUNG UPSTART!
Duran: Pfft...
Stukov: Gerard, he did just tip us off to an attack...
DuGalle: He's a BSer, therefore I hate him.
*they capture the shipyards*
Duke: Stand the hell down you rebels!
Stukov: Ahaha, we are no rebels! We are the United Earth Directorate!
Duke: BWAAAA?
*Duke gets pwned*
DuGalle: Okay, next stop Tarsonis. We're looking for a piece of anti-Zerg weaponry called the Psi Disruptor.
Duran: We should destroy it. Because, um...it's too powerful to fall into Mengsk's hands. Yes. That's why. <_<
Stukov: ...but...it could help us defeat the Zerg!
DuGalle: I agree with Duran. Destroy it.
Stukov: ...are you completely INSANE? Our mission here is to destroy the Zerg and tame the Overmind.
DuGalle: And...?
Stukov: And what better way to do that than to use the Psi Disruptor to mess with the Overmind's control of the Swarm?
DuGalle: I don't follow your logic.
Stukov: -_-'
Duran: Now to destroy the Psi Disruptor!
Ghost: We've been ordered by Admiral Stukov to relieve you and dismantle this thing ourselves.
Duran: 'k
DuGalle: Let's take out Korhal now.
Stukov: We can either disable his nuclear silos or his battlecruisers. Can't do both.
Captain: Why?
Stukov: Because we said so. Don't worry, it's an equally frustrating mission either way.
*Augustgrad is seiged*
Mengsk: FLEEEE!
DuGalle: NOT SO FAST!
Mengsk: Damnit!
Raynor: Hey! A mutual aquaintence of ours wants your sorry ass alive, so you're bein' rescued!
*Hyperion and Norad III teleport away*
DuGalle: DAMNIT! TRACK THEM!
Adjutant: We've tracked Mengsk and Raynor to Aiur, near a warp gate.
Stukov: Okay Captain, us three will hold off the surrounding Zerg, while YOU go take out that command center.
Captain: ...screw you guys.
*Warp gate activates*
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKE!
Captain: Damnit! Repel them! Push forward!
*Command center is destroyed*
Raynor: Haha, too slow!
*flees in dropship to warp gate*
Stukov: Duran! Your forces are out of position! GET THEM ZERG!
Duran: What Zerg?
Stukov: WTF YOU NUB!
Duran: I can't heeaaarr youu.....
*cuts transmission*
*Dropship flees through warp gate, which self-destructs*
Captain: So...Duran messed up.
DuGalle: I'm not worried. I'm more concerned that Stukov disobeyed my orders and moved the Psi Disruptor to Braxis.
Duran: He's obviously turned traitor and plans to sabotage your mission.
DuGalle: OF COURSE!
Duran: I'll kill him.
*Duran infiltrates the facility*
Duran: I'm here to terminate your command.
Stukov: We both know what you're here to terminate...
Captain: ...the hell does THAT mean?
*Duran kills Stukov and vanishes*
Captain: WTF THAT WASN'T A CANISTER RIFLE!
DuGalle: The core is set to overload! Quick, we must-
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKE
DuGalle: Duran is obviously a Zerg. Damn.
Captain: WE'VE BEEN HAD!
DuGalle: Huh, look at that. There's so many Zerg on Char that if we hadn't used the Disruptor our mission would be impossible.
Captain: You were pretty successfully hoodwinked, Admiral.
DuGalle: Take out those Cerebrates.
Cerebrate: Ahaha! My defenses are INVINCIBLE!
*Terrans kill Cerebrate*
Cerebrate: Ahaha! I have a Torrasque!
Torrasque: Fear my resurrection abilities.
*Terrans kill Cerebrate*
Cerebrate: Um...I have no cool abilities. I just make lots of Infested Terrans.
Captain: Lame.
*Terrans kill Cerebrate*
DuGalle: To the Overmind!
*Overmind is rendered docile*
Kerrigan: Sup nubs.
DuGalle: WHO DA HELL ARE YOU?
Duran: She's the Queen of Blades, foo. And she's made alliances with EVERYBODY against YOU!
DuGalle: But we have the Psi Disruptor!
Kerrigan: Not for loong...
*propaganda*
Kerrigan: Sup random Cerebrate. You'll notice I cut you off from the new Overmind.
Cerebrate: WTF HAX
Kerrigan: Stfu and go reclaim my hive clusters.
Cerebrate: Very well then. Larvae, MUTATE!
Larvae: This program is not responding. It may be waiting for a response from you or it may have stopped running.
Cerebrate: ...
Duran: Kerrigan, you just HAD to keep Larvae 98 didn't you?
***
Kerrigan: Wassap Jimmy?
Raynor: ...
Kerrigan: Lousy psi disruptor's causing me lots of problems.
Raynor: Later on you can explain why I care. So why'd you want Mengsk?
Mengsk: YEAH, WHADDAYA WANT?
Kerrigan: I need your psi emitters.
Mengsk: What do I get in return?
Kerrigan: Well, I won't kill you.
Mengsk: ...
Kerrigan: And I'll, um, help you retake Korhal!
Mengsk: SOLD!
Raynor: Okay boys, take out those generators!
*they do*
Mengsk: You can use this psi emitted to capture any rogue Zerg you find.
Kerrigan: Wow, cool!
Blizz level designers: ^_^
SCV: >_>
Kerrigan: DESTROY THE PSI DISRUPTOR!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKE
Fenix: So...think she'll turn on us now?
Raynor: Not until we pwn the UED.
Mengsk: If you ask me-
Raynor: SHADDAP!
Mengsk: ._.
Kerrigan: Play nice, boys.
Fenix: We ready to assault Korhal?
Kerrigan: Almost. First we should raid Moria and pilfer some minerals.
Fenix: I shall lead the assault myself!
Raynor: TO BATTLE!
*they leave*
Duran: Think they suspect anything?
Kerrigan: Probably.
The next part is taken word-for-word from the mission script, because I can't think of a way to make it funnier.
Fenix: It is difficult to believe that I am working along side my greatest enemy in order to save this sector. Fortune has been whimsical of late
Raynor: You sound like a tired old man, Fenix!
Fenix: Don't let the fact that I am three hundred and sixty eight years older than you dull your impression of me, young Raynor. I can still...how do you Terrans say it..."Throw down with the best of them!"
Raynor: I stand corrected.
Fenix: *rambles on for a while* Okay, we've got enough resources!
Cerebrate: Finally! He shuts up!
Kerrigan: Ahahaha, now we shall strike!
Mengsk: ^_^
Kerrigan: Oh look, the UED sent its pet Zerg to help!
Cerebrate: I'll pwn them anyway.
*he does*
Kerrigan: EXCELLENT WORK! Arcturus, Korhal is yours.
Mengsk: AH AM THE EMPEROR OF THA TERRAN DOMINION!
Kerrigan: Now it's time for phase 2. We attack Char.
Duran: What about these nubs on Korhal?
Kerrigan: Oh, right. We kill them too.
Duran: If we strike now, we can take them by surprise!
Cerebrate: DO IT!
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKE
*six minutes of unhindered carnage*
Marine: OMFG BACKSTABBERS! RETALIATE!
Kerrigan: Continue the attack!
Duke: Well well, we meet again.
Kerrigan: Heya, Duke. I always wanted to have you killed. This is kind of exciting for me.
Duke: YOU AIN'T TAKIN EDMUND DUKE WITHOUT A FIGHT!
Cerebrate: O RLY?
*12 Scourges*
Duke: Oh sh-
*Norad III goes down*
Mengsk: WE HAD A DEAL!
Kerrigan: What, you actually thought I wouldn't seek revenge for you feeding me to the Zerg?
Mengsk: You said-
Kerrigan: I say lots of things. I liberated Korhal because it was the UED's staging point. Fooled ya!
Mengsk: ._.
Kerrigan: Aw, don't worry Arcturus. Just remember, it was you who set me loose in the first place. ^_____^
Fenix: You betrayed us!
Kerrigan: Yuppers. Ready to die again?
Fenix: You won't find me easy prey!
Cerebrate: ^__________^
Fenix: ...what?
*Spawn Broodling*
Cerebrate: XD
Raynor: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO! I'll see you dead for this, Kerrigan!
Kerrigan: You don't have what it takes to be a killer.
Raynor: It may not be tomorrow, it may not be with an army, but I'm gonna be the one who kills you some day. See ya around!
Kerrigan: Another satisfying day. Let's return to Tarsonis to rest.
Duran: Uh...there's a big-ass Zerg force decending from orbit.
Kerrigan: Aw, bloody hell. The UED really wants me to pwn them.
Duran: Shall I rally your forces?
Kerrigan: Duh.
Duran: Oh hey, a Terran facility. There's a bunch of scientists doing something.
Kerrigan: I bet these "scientists" are helping coordinate the attack.
Duran: Cererbate, focus on the facility. KILL THOSE SCIENTISTS!
*they do*
Scientists: Urk!
UED Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKE
Cererbate: How ironic. ^_^
Kerrigan: Shakuras now. I need to capture Raszagal.
Cerebrate: Why?
Kerrigan: You'll see...
Duran: We need a diversion. If we cause power surges in the pylon clusters surrounding the Protoss fortress, that should overload their power grids.
Cerebrate: Wow, these Brood War missions are way more complicated and interesting than the original campaigns.
Blizz level designers: ^_^
*Duran sets charges*
Kerrigan: Cool. Blow it up!
*Talematros a'splodes*
Kerrigan: And now we can slay the Overmind.
Duran: But...only Dark Templar can destroy the...oh. Oh.
Kerrigan: ^_^
Zeratul: I demand to know why you've taken our Matriarch!
Kerrigan: Hehe. I stole her so you'd come follow me. I need you to help me slay the Overmind.
Zeratul: Hah!
Raszagal: The Overmind is our common enemy, Zeratul. You must destroy it!
Zeratul: You want me to help a BSer!?
Raszagal: Ya.
Zeratul: K.
*Dark Templar slay the Overmind*
Zeratul: Now release the Matriarch!
Kerrigan: Okay...tee hee! Razzy, you're free to go.
Raszagal: Nah.
Zeratul: !!!
Kerrigan: She don't want to go! XD
Zeratul: Hax!
Kerrigan: Okay, you've caught me. Raszagal is my SLAVE! Pretty good, eh?
Zeratul: We'll see about that...
Duran: All the Zerg in this sector have reverted to your control, My Queen! But somehow Zeratul recaptured their Matriarch!
Kerrigan: Hm. Didn't see that coming. Where'd they go?
Duran: They're holding her in a stasis cell on Char.
Kerrigan: Go get 'em, Cerebrate.
Zerg: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKE
Cerebrate: That's getting kind of old...
*stasis cell is destroyed*
Zeratul: Looks like I have only one choice...
*Zeratul kills Raszagal*
Raszagal: I'm free. But I'm also dying. So I'm making you the Patriarch of the Dark Templar.
Kerrigan: Teamkiller!
Zeratul: Better I kill her than let her live as your SLAVE.
Kerrigan: True dat. Okay, you can go.
Zeratul: ???
Kerrigan: You can go. 'cause from now on, every living moment will be your torture. You'll never be able to forgive yourself for what I've forced you do to.
Zeratul: ;_;
Cerebrate: Holy crap, this campaign is well-written!
Blizz writers: ^____^
Zeratul: We just got owned. In the face.
High Templar: Huh. We're tracking Protoss power signatures from that inconspucious uncharted moon.
Zeratul: Interesting...LET'S GO LOOK!
Templar: We're picking up a Terran compound nearby!
Zeratul: The plot thickens...oh hey, stasis cells - OMG A PROTOSS!
*a'splodes*
Zeratul: Nub Terrans don't know how to use Pylons. But why was there a Protoss in that cell...? Let's look at this one.
Adjutant: DNA code compiled and archived.
Zeratul: THE AUDACITY! The - THERE'S A ZERGLING IN THAT TANK!
Adjutant: Gene splicing completed.
Zeratul: ...holy moly...I've never seen anything like THIS before...
Adjutant: Protoss/Zerg hybrid, in perfect cryogenic hibernation. Psionic eminations minimal.
Zeratul: ...what...the...fu-
Duran: Magnificent, isn't it?
Zeratul: Who the...?
Duran: Are you ready for my best line in the entire game?
Zeratul: ...?
Duran: I've had many names throughout the millennia, young prodigal. You would know me best as "Samir Duran".
Blizz writers: Cool line, huh?
Zeratul: So this is Kerrigan's twisted scheme!
Duran: Young Kerrigan could not have engineered this..."grand experiment".
Zeratul: Now where have I heard that phrase before...?
Xel'Naga: >_>'
Duran: I serve a far greater power, one that has slept dormant for countless ages.
Zeratul: What he possibly be referring to?
Xel'Naga: <_<;
Duran: Behold the culmination of your history.
Zeratul: All I behold is an ABOMINATION.
Duran: Heh. You can destroy all of the specimens here; it will make no difference. I have hidden the hybrid on countless worlds. You'll never find them all before they awaken! HYBRID RUSH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Zerg campaign.
Kerrigan: Cerebrate, there's three fleets converging on our platform. Duran's dissapeared...
Xel'Naga: >_>;'
Kerrigan: ...so you'll have to hold them off by yourself.
Cerebrate: ...lovely.
Mengsk: Have I caught you at a bad time?
Kerrigan: Not really. It'll take more than your three little fleets to bring me down.
Mengsk: Uh...three fleet?
Kerrigan: Don't play dumb. I've already-
Artanis: WE HAVE COME TO AVENGE THE DEATHS OF RASZAGAL, FENIX, AND ALL THE PROTOSS YOU'VE SLAIN.
Kerrigan: When it rains, it pours...
Cerebrate: I know who the third fleet is! It's gotta be Raynor's Raiders!
Kerrigan: Nub, it's obviously the remainder of the UED expeditionary fleet.
DuGalle: That's right.
Cerebrate: ._.
DuGalle: Surrender!
Kerrigan: Lemmie think about that...no.
Ready for another awesome line that I just can't make any better?
Kerrigan: You see, at this point... I'm pretty much the Queen ***** of the Universe. And not all of your little soldiers or space ships will stand in my way again.
*forces clash*
Mengsk: Bah, you beat me again. I'll get you one day.
Artanis: Hax. You've won today, but we'll best you yet!
DuGalle: Okay, okay, I'm prepared to offer terms of my surrender.
Kerrigan: Uh, no. I don't take prisoners. How about instead I let you turn around and head back to Earth, and then send the Swarms after you?
DuGalle: ...this whole "expeditionary fleet" thing is turning out to be not such a good idea.
DuGalle: *suicide*
*UED fleet is overtaken*
Kerrigan: ^______^
FIN