Sorry about the laughing, but man...I mean, you should complete a sub-10 first before joking about it.
Game Hunter is spot on with his description of furious enter pressing. So far I have nine Compet'n platinums and still haven't gotten any faster then 7:07. I'm starting to wonder if playing in a virtual machine is hurting my chances. Ignoring that, I still think breaking the 5 minute barrier is going to take an EPIC amount of RNG luck. Even if a player has the luck, I still think there are a few things that could help.
* Terse mode, which has already been described
* Auto armor/boot usage, that Game Hunter spoke about
* A keystroke that selects the small med-pack in you inventory and uses it. It may not sound time consuming, but if it takes ~1-2 seconds to open the inventory then use a medpack and you eat ~10-15 a game, the time adds up.
* Auto-trait selection. Currently you can only define the starting trait. If you could define a sequence of traits, then you'd save ~20-30 seconds during the game not having to manually select them.
* Animation free mode. I think the most time can be saved here. Even being invulnerable while in an arachnatron during a speed run is suicide, since the amount of time spent to draw each mob shooting is probably more time then you had to spend on the level. I'm not sure if this is the best idea on the list because despite being the most time-saving, it could make people move *too* fast. At least now when you are panicking about the lost time during shots you are also watching your health go down.
If I could only choose one of these, I'd choose auto trait selection. Ignoring animation free mode, the other four really only save you keypresses at crucial moments. The auto trait would save you the most keypresses overall.